Unease was a constant veil shrouding Xanti from those around him, although he felt for Edorta, and strongly, he had only suddenly unearthed these feelings and was still fervently unsure of them. Since the wound in his shoulder had been healed to now a dulling ache to which only pained if moved too quickly or into a strange position, he had been sleeping within the same close quarters as the fellow man to which had cared so ardently for him. Edorta was gentle and loving and in his time of dire need the young warrior could ask for no more from him than what he already got and had been given. The first few nights had been increasingly awkward and for hours Xanti would lie awake, the distance between he and Edorta plainly visible. Yet as time had worn on surprisingly the Endikai man had grown bolder rather than his Zerui companion. Nightly Edorta would get closer to Xanti, touching him, caressing his abdomen and fingering his scars.

It was now that once again Xanti lay awake, his close acquaintance, for he was still unsure of what he was allowed and expected to feel, lay precariously close to his own being. One arm belonging to Edorta was slung across the Zerui warrior’s chest, while his own was wrapped around the shoulder of the other man. Only lightly however, for he was still nervous and unsure, every time a close encounter approached concerning Edorta he either fled or was overcome with a beating heart and butterflies thundering within his gut. Their breathing was mismatched and as Xanti stared straight above into the darkness of the night surrounding them he could feel Edorta heaving with every breath. The other mans frame slight and boyish in comparison to his own, although not much difference between there stature Xanti was defiantly more muscular in physique.

Now consciously aware of the sun leaking into the sleeping quarters of where he stayed Xanti felt it a good time to now ‘awake’. Slowly peeling away from his sleeping cohort, he, while sufficing a groan caused from the pain of exerting his ankle and shoulder, steadily arose. Careful to make minimal noise he pulled various items of clothing onto his person, however not that he slept without any. Quietly he limped to the entrance of were they slept and as softly as Eguzki would allow he escaped into the Endikai camp. Still known to be un-trusted as he was of Zerui blood the young man did not stray far, he just needed to think, re-evaluate and prioritise. Shuffling a few feet away he all but fell into a sitting position followed by a strained grunt of pain. Running a hand over his face he looked out into the slowly awakening encampment, little to no one gazing his way. Content on merely getting about the day, not needing to fret over having a rival Baskar among their midst.

Sleep had been hard for him for a few weeks now. About two, actually. That day he had found Xanti in the water he'd done everything in his power to save him. The Zerui warrior had been bleeding badly about the shoulder and he had been wounded. The idea of losing him in the night had kept him awake and vigilant, no matter how much he hadn't wanted to lose sleep he always did. Before he had been able to sleep at his side from the healing herbs and bandaging, but he had kept an eye on him, monitoring his breathing as he slept and passing out sometime before sunrise. He had been able to sleep until the sun was in the middle of the sky back then, but, as they moved into the central camp again he had had to actually sleep. By that time Xanti was well enough to be able to sleep in the same bed with him. This, of course, was a need due to the fact that Edorta lived with his mother and father and their family had a small long house, not grand and only enough to fit the family of three, and one more, in case Edorta took on a lover, which was the main reason Xanti was in his bed.

For some reason the young Endikai warrior wished that Xanti could have had his own bed. He didn't think that Xanti was comfortable with him being around him as he slept. In fact, as Xanti slept, Edorta would trace his wounds, his old scars, memorizing every detail because, want to or not, something told Edorta that Xanti would be gone from him. It was because he was a Zerui. He knew something this beautiful wouldn't last, that Xanti would not be his in the end but it was nice to dream; to hold on to the slim hope.

He'd drifted off sometime before darkness was full in the sky, before the moon was in the center of the sky, and he'd slept soundly in Xanti's capable arms, comfortable in his touch and his feeling. He had been everything that he had ever asked for. Edorta adored being around Xanti. He was so strong and sure, kind hearted and sweet. He was such a good person that, from all the stories he'd heard of the Zerui, he'd been forced to ask which where not real. They had said all men were brutes, but Xanti was gentle with him. He'd only felt his strength once, and that had been the first time they had met. Still, that meeting brought fond memories.
He knew, however, that Egzuki was merely toying with him. Xanti would go home, and he would hurt from it.

His arm reached out in the twilight of sleep, reaching out for Xanti, but, when he hadn't found him, he gasped, sitting up on his furs and looking around. where was he?! Edorta felt a moment of panic before some whispers hit him. He bit his lip, running out of his long house for Xanti, whom he found on the ground. "Are you alright?" he asked quietly, a smile forming upon his face. "I worried- GOOD MORNING!" he sat himself down beside him, glancing over at him, "Would you like me to help you?" he motioned to the clothes that Xanti had gathered and he clapped his hands together. "I know!" he exclaimed, "We can go bathe! Sound good?"

The almost silent hustle and bustle of the Endikai camp could, if Xanti closed his eyes and drifted farther off within his mind, closely resemble that of his very own. The Baskar were naïve and ignorant people in thinking both tribes were terribly different, yes they were concerning religion, but in all other ways they were surprisingly similar. Both the Zerui and Endikai people acted similarly; most definitely did they look similar, even their clothing could have been woven by the same hand. Yet the longer here he stayed the longer Xanti surprised himself by missing his father’s people, despite in his younger years dreaming of travelling far from them. Although there was little love lost between he and his siblings and Warlord, Xanti over the past few weeks caught himself thinking of them, more repeatedly than most. Sighing heavily he closed his eyes from the now familiar surroundings, the long houses scattered about him reminded him too much of his own and those of the Zerui.

As Xanti fell into heavy breathing he took the time to think, over simple things and mighty hardships, on more than one occasion he prayed to Eguzki and the soul being who moulded his path. Rapidly blinking his eyes open he squinted into the now steadily rising glare of the sun, grimacing as he moved his ankle awkwardly he ran a hand over his face. As a sigh escaped his lips it was then that noises from Edorta’s living quarters roused his attention, turning his gaze to the entrance he watched with a quiet amusement Edorta frantically rake his gaze across the land. He having finally found him walked toward Xanti, who in turn watched his approach with apprehension and butterflies swarming his stomach. The rough bark of the tree he had shuffled backward to lean against caught against his skin, causing mild abrasions to form across the muscular surface.

Muddy brown eyes slowly ran over the slim and elegant body of his companion as he gained ground toward him, Xanti’s breath caught in his throat and immediately his cheeks began to redden. It was not a strange sight to see fellow people of the tribe lacking clothing, yet there, walking toward him was a man who was the sole gainer of Xanti’s attractions. It was quite possibly the first time the young warrior had seen Edorta clearly in such openness, he’d caught glimpses now and again and at night he would sometimes awake to feel the nakedness of Edorta’s body against him. It aroused him certainly, though he was silently proud for the most part he could restrain certain areas of his own body from showing such emotion. Xanti knew for a long while he’d be uncomfortable and unsure about his sexuality, more often than not he’d find his gaze straying to other men of the Endikai who lacked clothing on the more hotter of days.

Still exploring the wonders of such things he wondered if Edorta saw him looking at other men, he had no feelings for his fellow warriors, yet their bodies still intrigued him. For he was still young, in truth he was very much like a young boy to which has found out about knew wonders, eager to explore the treasures they behold. Yet still frightened enough to wait until more knowledge was gained. Shifting uncomfortably he eyed the male body belonging to Edorta, it was precious and as far as he knew, untouched. Those slight muscles of his rippled beneath his creamy skin and Xanti found himself staring and gulping more fervently. Quickly averting his gaze he was taken aback by his cohort’s suggestions, yet he had no time to reply before yet another was made. A bathe did sound inviting however, for the last week it had been hot and dusty.

Bordering between accepting and denying Edorta’s request eventually Xanti agreed with a slight impish smile. ”Very well, let’s bathe.” It was a simple enough answer yet said with none of the trepidation he felt inside, talented in averting his true feelings from what he said and how he acted. Grunting while he got to his feet he held his boots in one hand and slung his trousers over his arm, a simple loincloth adorning the parts he wished to cover. Limping beside Edorta they travelled beside one another along the short route to the river and to wash.

The day was going to be hot. He could tell that from the cast of the air that the day was going to be dry and warm, one of those days where clothing would not be needed. The sun was starting to shine over the shadows, lightening up the small spaces with the sparkle of the morning mist, the very peaceful people were walking around with no real problem, they seemed to be happy! That was good. Happiness was always a good thing and it always meant that something good was going on. That reminded him that there was to be a wedding later! That was why everyone was so chipper. A young girl was marrying her long time love. How sweet. He wondered, for a moment, what doing something like that would feel like, but he doubted there would even be wooing, let alone a wedding for him. He was the type to only love devotedly once in his life, and he wasn't sure if he would ever get that affection back, but it was alright.

He did not know if Xanti even felt anything for him. He'd kissed his fellow warrior before, but nothing had happened since that first meeting, Xanti seemed to withdraw from him, not to want to be around him, so he respected his boundaries and gave him space. Well, save for at night when it was warm.

Sometime around the middle of the night the temperature would drop and Edorta would seek warmth from Xanti's strong body, holding himself to his warm crush to where he could bask in the warmth from his body. The mornings after were always different when Edorta woke, cuddled down upon that strong frame, powerful arms around him. He saw no danger in having a Zerui around, although his mother held her breath still whenever Edorta got near Xanti. She saw danger in the warrior that Edorta just couldn't see. He told her time and time again that Xanti could not hurt him, but she never seemed so sure. She was always so cautious when it came to Edorta. So what if he were a holy figure? He just wanted to have some ounce of normalcy about him.

He noticed the red flush of Xanit's cheeks and bit down on his lip, "Are you feeling well?" he asked quietly, lying the back of his hand to Xanti's forehead. There was no temperature so he shrugged, figuring he had just wanted to be alone and he had intruded upon Xanti's private time. He would go away if Xanti wanted him to, but he would remain where he was until Xanti said something. The man could fend for himself and do as he wanted. This was the way life was. Xanti could decide what he wanted for himself and there was nothing that anyone could say for or against it. Besides, Xanti was strong. Sometimes he saw Xanti's eyes trail to others, still, this was Xanti's choice, and not his. If it were his Xanti would be his already and he would be for him, but because he was someone else and had no problems with Xanti's choices, he said nothing, merely locked the anger and jealousy inside himself.

When Xanti gave him the go ahead to bathe, the young man offered him a sheepish smile to match the fox like smile upon his face. For a moment Edorta wondered what, from looking at him now, his spirit would have been if he had had one. A fox was cunning, as was his dear warrior, and yet Xanti was noble, like the horse. Would he have been a horse? That would have shown the people that Xanti was worthy of their respect. Now that they were close Edorta hurt. He knew that one day he would be left and Xanti would return. He would return to a wife and children and a bright future as the leader of the Zerui. This was his future, and he knew it. Edorta hurt because of this future which was so bright before him, but he could not show his sadness.

Once they'd reached the river Edorta ran right in, gasping at the cold water that splashed up all around him. It was pleasant in contrast the the already hot morning. He trusted that Xanti could get in the water himself. He was a powerful enough warrior to get into the water. "C'mon, Xanti... it feels good." he called to him, smiling at him from waist deep clear water.

They spoke little, if at all on their way to the river, in truth Xanti still felt the awkward tension between them both and cursed himself for it, Edorta always seemed calm and relaxed in his presence when all he was was skittish and unnerved like a new born colt. However, deep down on some subconscious level Xanti knew he felt like he could be himself around his ‘special’ companion, however cliché it may sound. His people’s expectations had raised him to act the leader, arrogant, cocky, egotistical, harsh in some cases, he’d been raised to be his father’s son. Yet unlike Zeru he had his mothers personality also, and was raised by more than a few, he gained insight into to other things as well as what he learnt to become a Warlord. Behind the façade he wore Xanti was merciful and some of the decisions he made he knew was not he at all but how he was raised to be. He often longed to be anyone other than the first son, and Xanti often cursed Inaki and what he himself believed was good fortune. Around Edorta he did not have to pretend to be some mighty warrior, instead he could resort back to his true self, though these days it was a struggle.

As they strode, Edorta walking, Xanti limping, their hands would often brush and once again the Zerui warrior’s heart would beat like a hammering drum, and the butterflies would be unleashed. In fact Xanti was fairly glad he didn’t have the fair skin of the white men for his reddened cheeks would be all the more visible. On the way it had taken all the will he possessed not to sidelong watch his companion, however alluring the other man’s skin looked and the angelic beauty of his face. Gulping frequently he averted his gaze to the landscape around him, it was pretty, so emerald green and blooming. Such a fantastic difference to the harsh cold of winter and it’s snow-bearing weather. Yet thinking of this, and thinking of the man walking beside him, it made him all the more angry that the interlopers rumoured of an attack upon them. Of course he was proud nevertheless, that his people, every single one, would die trying to prevent those white men taking their precious cultivated land, that for generations had been theirs. Still it was those very thoughts that made him fear, he knew Edorta, beside both women and children, would fight for what was his.

Xanti knew, despite his close comrade being a shaman, he would fight to protect the women, yet who would fight to protect him? Xanti of course, but he would have to from afar, if a war was inevitable then he would have to fight alongside the warriors, though if Eguzki would allow it then without a doubt he’d be beside Edorta, or moreover in front and pushing him back. Startled at his thoughts Xanti realised how much he really did care for the Endikai two-spirit, although he laughed still at their religion and worshiping of spirits he could not deny the strong bond between the two. Not to mention the feelings Edorta seemed to show for him and those very same feelings Xanti hid. Positive it was not love at this stage Xanti still worried, it was not allowed of same-sex marriages among the Zerui, he’d never felt love before, how could he know if this was it, and if it was, there was hardly anything he could do about it.

Shyly smiling as Edorta practically sprinted into the river, which surely would be cold from the night, he watched the other man for a few more moments with a happiness he extensively enjoyed. Taking his time he was not entirely sure how to go about taking off his loincloth, which tactfully covered just about everything that needed coverage. Placing the clothing he held onto the grassy bank he took from his boots two small daggers, worried as to what Edorta would think he tried quickly to hide them amongst his attire. The last thing he wanted was the only person he felt comfortable with thinking he was some sort of spy or assassin from the Zerui. Yet they were items of habit that he went to no place without, from his experience as a nine year old out in unfamiliar lands, he risked going nowhere without them. Shyly facing sideways as Edorta watched him from the river he slunk out of his feeble piece of clothing, dropping it unto the rest of his clothes he with haste entered the utterly freezing water. Gasping slightly he tried to smile through his unease and now frozen body, immediately his genitals seemed to shrink, the cold dragging away his breath and the blood that went to vital parts it seemed.

”High Eguzki, you didn’t tell me it was like ice ur Edo!” His ease was now apparent, grinning as he shuddered into the river, grimacing he in one swift moment dunked himself under. Gasping for air seconds later he emerged and scattered water as he practically exploded from the waist deep ur. Still cold though now warmer than before he squatted under the surface so only his shoulders and above could have access to the air. Slowly his arms peddled the water, smiling sheepishly at Edorta he watched him with roaming eyes. ”What is it like to have a spirit? Or is it like our God Eguzki, you cannot see or hear him yet he delivers, as a true God shall?” Slowly he peddled closer, though still quite a gap between them.

ur – water.

The silence between the two was comfortable, although laced with Xanti's tense energy. He was more relaxed than he had been, but it still was not total comfort. As much as Edorta would have loved to be a comfort for Xanti he knew that the warrior would take some time to get used to him completely. Sometimes he cursed the ease in which he fell for someone, but other times he praised his quick decisions. Xanti was so amazing, gentle with word and he held him as they slept, powerful and sure. There was nothing else that would make Edorta feel better, to feel safer. It was as if he were someone else sometimes, destined to kiss and hold. Ah, he couldn't think such things. He felt a slight blush tint his dark cheeks but ignored it happily, enjoying the sensation of their hands brushing together. At one point his shy fingers had slipped into Xanti's but he'd pulled them away, afraid the Zerui warrior would pull his away first. A shy smile followed, but his dark eyes remained turned to the hard ground.

Now and again his eyes would dart over to the body of the male before him. So much more than skin and muscle, he was a fine man, or for what Edorta knew of him. All he had had to know to see Xanti as a good man was the fact that he had saved a stranger from death. He had to have good inside of him. He was just a shy man, a wonderfully shy man. He was beautiful. Edorta had an eye for beauty and loved to admire things that proved to be beautiful to him, which excited him. Biting down on his lip he calmed himself, keeping his small body in control, thankfully he was able to keep his body in control, rather than to display his excitement.

Summer had been such a wonderful time, full of sweet romance that bloomed and had allowed him to feel what he'd never before felt. Every time Xanti lay eyes upon him he felt beautiful, he felt as if the world were his. When Xanti touched his skin it left a trail of warmth, it would have been fire, but fire paled in comparison to the burn of affection. The thunder had kept them inside one day, the temperature had been colder, the air chilling over with the rain that poured from the heavens. Edorta had settled himself into Xanti's lap, his dark eyes watching the rain as his head lay back against the muscular arm of Xanti, his fingers absently trailing over Xanti's arm, a wonderful feeling of peace and completion. His spirits had reacted to the male that had held him, had fallen just as hard as the flesh.

His mind stayed away from the rumors of war, there were too many good things to focus on. He could have a future, he could do anything with the future, and he could see himself spending his days with Xanti, holding him during storms, bathing just like today. So many things that could be done and that he wanted to do with his lover, but sometimes couldn't find the time to do. So much with so little, with so many bleak things. Xanti had not even touched him yet. While his fingers had trailed over his flesh and he'd held him close, his hands against his chest, but he had not touched him in a sweet way. Since the day he'd met that lovely man he had not had those lips upon his own, had not been pulled taut against that firm body. And he wanted that.

A giggle flew from his mouth at Xanti's gasps and exclamation. "I'm sorry!" he laughed, making his way back to Xanti. He grinned at him, slipping his arms around his chest, holding him. "Warm up!" he said playfully, grinning at the male before him with laughter in his voice. Xanti dunked himself as he pulled away from him, the joke clearly over. Edorta followed, resurfacing and smoothing back his long hair.

"What is it like?" he repeated, glancing up at the sunny sky. He'd never been asked such a thing before. "It is like life, I suppose..." The boy smiled, "We get our spirit defined to us our thirteenth birthday. I returned with two, which is a rare thing indeed." he smiled fondly, leaning his hair into the water as he moved deeper into the water. Eventually he had to stand on his tip toes to get close to him. After a moment the boy reached back to Xanti, on his knees on the bed of sand. "Our spirits take care of us..." His hands reached up, slipping over Xanti's stripe of hair. A soft smile tracing over his face. Shyly the young two spirit placed a kiss to Xanti's lips, a soft brush of flesh. "You must admit that the water is beautiful on your skin." He leaned close again, another kiss on his lips, his slim arms wrapping around his neck softly. "I'm sorry... if I am too close I will move." His voice was not a loud one, rather soft, actually, as he spoke softly to him with a soft caress in his voice.

The sun rose precariously above, daring blindly to shine upon the land below, the emerald turf basking in the beauty of Eguzki’s might, a generous God who willingly cast a beautiful day upon those that would easily give up their souls for him. Gently the sun rose, the colour of wheat, its rays brilliantly dazzling, they fell unto the surface of the water and offered little brilliance to Xanti as he squinted through the glare. Today promised to be a fine day, hot, delightful, vivid in its beauty though particularly roasting for the skin. The warrior let his gaze fall to the sparkling river, despite the almost blinding light as it glared defiantly at him he could not deny how it caused the rippling Ur to be ever more inviting. It was like watching the night sky during the day, those twinkling stars mirrored in the gentle blue water, the sun an ever-brighter version of the moon. Despite the heat and humidity that hung above the stream however it was still as cold as ever below, causing a strong and powerful Xanti to stay a shivering mass. Although he tried to hide it he was dreadfully chilly, clamping his jaw firmly shut he went about treading the water, wafting his arms and fervently doing anything, which would get him warmer. Beginning to think it was working, for his limbs were slowly unfreezing, Xanti smiled at his own prowess before switching his vision to watch Edorta.

Now that was a beautiful man if ever he saw one, yes he would notice the bulking muscles of bigger men with deep vocals and appreciate their good and handsome looks, but it was Edo that took his breath away. This man, this two-spirit before him was elegant and lithe and stunning, one would see him looking a girl one day a man the next, it was odd but intriguing and caused him to be oddly tantalizing to a confused and young Xanti. On one occasion the Zerui warrior had felt mysteriously jealous and overprotective of his dear friend, for a fellow man had shown keen interest in Edorta, Xanti had immediately picked up the way he had acted around the shaman. Frowning within moments he’d tried to pull Edorta’s attention to him and was annoyed and frustrated that the other man knew Edorta better than he, yet wasn’t it he who slept in the same bed as Edo? And bathed with him? And ate with him? Yet despite this knowledge he had still felt at a loss watching his companion joke and smile with the Endikai warrior, spurring him to be in a sour mood for the rest of that remaining day. Which was why Xanti felt all the happier it was just he and Edorta within the river together.

With a fluttering heart and stone cold stomach he silently surveyed the other male as he talked, such sweet tender words which meant more than he was saying to him. This man, Edorta, he’d been the one to make Xanti realise about himself, he had been the one to take him from the pressure of his people, he’d been the one to make him feel something inside. Edorta was more special than he realised, he was not only a rare and loved two-spirit among his people, but he meant a whole lot more to the Zerui warrior before him. Slowly he drifted closer, Xanti found his breath catching in his throat and stopping short of entering his lungs as the other male touched him, feeling his short Mohawk. As their lips met Xanti experienced a strange rush of emotion burst through his body, like an electric shock suddenly and amazingly blundering through his figure. Yet just as quickly as it started it stopped, leaving Xanti on a strange high, buzzing like he often did after a particularly successful hunt. Given hardly enough time to process Edorta’s words Xanti was once again brought into a delightful kiss, nothing too sensual or romantic yet it caused that very same feeling to crash around his body.

The once wet hair situated about his body stood on end, seemingly dried by the electricity passing between he and the Endikai man, with his arms about him Xanti couldn’t help but let out a little giggle. Nervous to a childish extreme he had to let some of the noise out of him, yet almost immediately he became solemn again, his own strong arms slinking slowly around Edorta’s amiable waist. ”Why move? This seems perfectly acceptable to me…” His deep vocals came out in a rugged purr of sorts, yet his face still lacked emotion, yet his muddy brown eyes said it all. Pulling the other male’s slimmer frame toward him their bodies slowly met, flesh against flesh, slippery from the water and soft to the touch. Leaning down he pressed his lips against Edo’s, his heart going into dangerous spasms, as his mind screamed no to his actions. Closing his eyes, blocking out his thoughts he passionately kissed the other man, his tongue entering the adoring embrace, their lips working together gently, varying in speeds and pressure. Sliding his hands up and down Edorta’s slight back he revelled in the touch and the feel, his callused hands finding beauty and elegance where they roamed. With their bodied pressed so tightly together, well one can certainly sympathise with Xanti’s now visible discomfort.

Before he parted the striking display of affection he softly, barely at all, caressed Edo’s behind, feeling the plump tissue and all too soon Xanti murmured a moan within their kiss, almost gasping for air he slowly pulled away. Met with Edorta’s gaze he quickly looked away, his cheeks now a burning hue, coughing he allowed a sheepish smile to rise unto his façade. Quickly releasing Edo he was a hundred percent certain he knew Edo knew why he had pulled away, uncomfortably moving away from the embrace he refused to meet the others gaze. Slipping his hand to his genitals he tried to fervently to deflate his now arisen penis, wishing ardently the cold water would help, yet that loving moment with the Endikai man had only caused his blood to boil with a sexual desire. ”Uh…I’m…I’m sorry. cough I, uh…this, this has never happened before.” Thoroughly embarrassed he hoped Eguzki would suddenly and miraculously strike him down, without consent his gaze slid to Edorta. The blood in his member swelling only more however as he saw that wet and dazzling frame, cursing the other mans irresistibility he quickly looked away, hoping beyond all hope that Edo had not seen him looking.

ooc. As promised, a post i'm only proud of after the first para, enjoy my lovely i tried my best for you. -Hugs- :] I know you'll like the last one xD despite the misleadingness to begin with xD

The warmth was amazing! It slipped over his shoulders, over his face, contrasting with the cold water that licked at his chest. To Xanti it was only to his abdomen, of course, but Xanti was taller than he was, which worked to make him better suited. He adored the little thing, such as Xanti's towering height, his muscle, his embrace. The heat only made to mask him from those reddened cheeks. It warmed down his back, making the water there return to the sky from the warm rays. The sun was graced this day, high and proud, as if Egzuki himself was gracing him with the feeling of air against him, with the ability to blind Xanti to his weakness. Was it wrong to be so pulled to the body? Was it bad to want to hold him close and never let go? Why did it feel as if he were setting himself up for great pain? He knew that Xanti would one day return to the Zerui and he would never have him again, but it wouldn't hurt too badly, would it? He hoped not.

He took his time splashing the cool water about himself, diving under the waves for a moment to get the dirt and other things from his hair. He was glad when it flowed away from his silken strands, leaving them wet down his back, dripping into his lovely face. It was so peaceful about the river today. There were usually women and children about but the young two spirit figured it was because they were out doing other things. He'd heard the women talk of preparing for winter already, which meant making clothes, the children would have stayed with their mothers. Edorta had made it his primary duty to care for Xanti's health, rather than to worry much about people now. He was very, very ready to deal with people, he was brave enough to face his own people, to become a shaman for the acceptance of Xanti as an Endikai.

He wanted Xanti, no one else. Others had shown him interest in the past few days, ever since Xanti had come to live with him inside the main camp, but he honestly didn't care. Xanti was his and no one else's. The boy had smiled and chatted with the others that had flirted, and sure, they had known him well, but he was for Xanti. He fit Xanti's body like a glove when they lay together, his small form fitting with this perfect other's curves as if they were created of the same mold. No warrior or lass could compete with him. They'd spent many years searching for him a mate and he'd found his home in the arms of a Zerui warrior. This warrior was his and his alone, someone that did not expect him to perform miracles, did not expect him to be the beautiful two spirit, but he did care for him. He could tell by the way Xanti would compete for his attention when those other males even spoke with him. Xanti wanted him to see only him, which was good, considering his love was his and he would not share him with anyone. No woman, no child bearer, or at least... not happily and Xanti loved him enough to desire his happiness, right?

Xanti's scent filled his head with his closeness, shuffling through his head where his thoughts should have been. His lips could feel skin beneath them, his fingers could feel the textured strands of hair that grew in a strip down his head. The soft hair growing where it had been cut that was as soft as the feathers of a new born bird. He couldn't find words after the last ones were uttered, as his arms settled around Xanti's neck, holding him tight against himself. If Xanti thought it to be acceptable then it had to be. There was no where else Edorta would have rather have been; this was the perfect place for him. They were so close that Edorta could feel his body heat pressed against himself, even beneath the water where it was colder, their bodies melted together in the heat. It was sweeter than when they slept. He had always been the one without clothing, Xanti, always honorable and shy, refused to lose his clothing. This was the first time since he'd found Xanti wounded and deathly cold in the river that he had felt his bare skin touching him.

Edorta felt Xanti's hands exploring his back and arched into his touch deepening their kiss as his hand slipped over his round bottom, and he gasped into Xanti's moan, his teeth nipping at Xanti's bottom lip his eyes opened only a crack. But Xanti was moving away from him! Why would he move away? Edorta saw the blush upon his face and, compared to the boyish giggle of moments before he felt rejected and bad. His heart sank at the uncomfortable look upon his lover's face and the fact that Xanti would not look at him hurt more than he could have thought possible. He'd felt Xanti react to him, he had known of his excitement, but why stop?

From the clear water Edorta saw his chosen mate's hands make to cover himself. The boy held a laugh, feeing joyous at the fact that Xanti wasn't rejecting him. "Xanti," he purred, reaching forward, curling his arms around Xanti's neck again. "It's alright," he purred, kissing his cheek, moving softly down his jaw and down his neck slowly as his hands tangled into his hair again, or as best they could. "It's a good reaction." he purred, slipping his fingers down Xanti's back the same way he had done for his. "Relax."

Praying beyond all else that something would happen to drag him from the scene; he wallowed in self-pity and despair, it was without contest the most embarrassing moment of his life. At least when bathing with other men among the Zerui there’d be women as well, glad he could blame his particular sexual misfortune on seeing their feminine bodies instead of the warriors. Biting his lower lip he tried to make himself smaller, slowly he practically doubled over, his muscled abdomen crumpling in. He tried to think of other things, yet just knowing a beautiful and naked man, a willing one at that, stood but inches from him, well it unfortunately for him aided his hardship. Cursing himself with every insult he could muster within his mind the warrior still refused to meet the others gaze.

His breath was still shortened and he was thoroughly confused about his emotions, what should he do? Apologize, carry on? This was all completely knew to him, he’d never even done anything with the female sex before, let alone the anything with men. Eguzki forbid if he had, he wouldn’t even dare to imagine what his father would do if he found out about his little adventures with Edorta. With those thoughts he with wide eyes scanned the grassy shore nearby, as if reassuring himself that Zeru was not in the close vicinity. Gulping in lung full after lung full of air he needed to calm himself and think reasonably, what he’d just done with Edo, admittedly wasn’t much, but for him it was a huge stepping-stone. It only reassured his assumptions about feeling nothing for women and a whole lot for men.

It was natural, this behaviour, for the Endikai, they believed in this sort of thing, but it wasn’t that easy for Xanti, he was raised to laugh and disown at the very same men who had thoughts not unlike his own. How could he suddenly change everything he’d been taught? How could he just go, right like that, and go into a long and passionate moment of love-making with a man he only realised now he didn’t know a as much as he would like to about. One vital thing he also had to consider was how one actually had sex with a male, he knew the basics of course, for he’d had to do it with a girl to make himself a man of sorts in his cohorts eyes. But wasn’t it different with men? Almost frightened Xanti began to panic; yet everything was forgotten as he watched Edorta approach with a smile.

His name was mentioned with an alluring purr, the Zerui warriors breath caught in his throat, he gulped deeply and almost forgot to breath, how could one solitary being be so tantalizing? That very same electric pulse swam through Xanti’s body as Edo placed his elegant hands upon him, shuddering under the touch he wondered if the Endikai too knew this feeling. Closing his brown eyes under the sensual kisses of the other man he licked his plump lips, trying ardently to forget all his other thoughts and try stiffly to just go with the moment and follow how he felt, no matter how unsure that was. For most of his adolescence and childhood he’d longed for the loving touches he was receiving now, falling into the embrace he slowly took his hands from his genitals. Running them around Edorta’s waist he tentatively hugged the other male, blankly staring ahead he tucked his mouth into the nook of the Endikai two-spirit’s neck.

With a small smile he pulled his head away, staring deeply into Edorta’s eyes he pressed their bodies together, his ridged abdomen against the others soft stomach. ”These are the days that we will always remember. I’m glad I’m spending them with you” Leaning inward he pressed there lips firmly together again, sensual, romantic, he was surprisingly good at that stuff despite his lack of experience. Deciding on what he wanted to do, finally and without hesitation he pulled his hands slowly from the man’s back, pulling Edo’s hand toward his he lead the other man with a awkward smile to the shore. Practically forgetting to breath he worried of a panic attack or worse, slowly wading through the water he finally made it to shore, it was there that he again lunged in for a kiss. It was here that finally they could see one another on the same terms, together as nature intended for each other’s eyes to assess.

Moaning into the physical moment of sensuality Xanti gyrated his pelvis against Edorta, his hands had slid to either side of the Endikai shamans face, and with his eyes closed he became lost in the moment. His tongue and lips working tirelessly to make the moment one to remember, Gently, for knowing his strength, he pushed Edorta back and unto the ground, practically laying him down he basically hovered above, adamant the kiss should not end. His body was a buzz, his feelings souring and he was sure he’d never been so happy, every touch, every kiss, was a memory burnt unto his mind, every sensation was like ecstasy. Trying to build up to moment to give himself enough courage he eventually pulled away with a small smile, locking his eyes unto Edorta before sliding gently and slowly down his body, biting his lower lip in apprehension. Too shy to kiss his way down he with many gulps came to his place of stop, hovering above the other mans penis he eyed it with an almost scared feeling. It was larger than expected and he enjoyed the feeling immensely at being able to potentially pleasure the other male, tentatively reaching out to touch it he was now remarkably unsure about making such a move. Perhaps it would have been better to wait for Edorta.

There was no shame. Why, he wondered, did Xanti look so embarrassed? He didn't understand. If Xanti would have just told him he would have gotten it, but no, he had to rely upon Xanti's generally wrong body language. He was used to being approached, to being wanted by others because he was holy, but he wasn't used to scaring people away. He never had before, and quite frankly, it hurt. It hurt badly. Edorta knew, however, that there was something between them. He wasn't sure what was really between the two of them, but it was something, something that wasn't with the other Endikai and the people that approached him wishing to make his fancy, but Edorta liked it here with Xanti, safe in the clear water, fish glittering in the sunlight, the bright rays reflecting off the surface. The shine from the water gave Xanti a godly look, which made his heart flutter uncontrollably through his ribs, to jump about like a giddy girl.

He followed Xanti's eyes about, his face worried and wondering all at once. Xanti was harder to read than most people, he had a mind of his own and had been raised differently and while he was used to male interaction, Xanti was not. The Endikai were an open sort, far more so than the Zerui and their restrictions. Edorta worried, sometimes if Xanti would be able to survive here, but he knew his chosen warrior was strong and, if he chose to stay with Edorta, with the two spirits that wanted him with them more than they wanted to exist, he would fair well. He would have faired better than any Endikai man, and he would have achieved what many had sought. Edorta had never shown interest in others. Perhaps one spirit had liked one lad or lass, and had voiced it, but the second voice soon shot it down.

How odd it was that now, gazing at Xanti as he looked around like a man paranoid, both spirits were completely in harmony within one another, resting quietly, buzzing with some unknown desire for the man, for his hands, those strong, training roughened hands, to caress his cheek, to slide over his thin body once more, enticing and thrilling. He wondered what Xanti would allow, wondered if he would accept his body and his spirits as lovers, wondered if Xanti would be the one to make him happy. How strange that he would base all of his attractions on someone else. He wanted more than anything else to hold him back inside of his small arms, to kiss his cheek and to run his fingers through that hair again. He was so amazingly beautiful standing in the glare of the sun's rays upon the river, his bronze skin masking those sure, powerful muscles.

When Xanti took those hands away from his self coverage and ran them down to his waist, wrapping around him. Edorta knew enough of that strong man before him to know that he was embarrassed for the reaction he had. But, the fact that he had those powerful arms around him made him lay his head to the side as Xanti's lips found the base of his neck. His dark hair fell with the tilt of his head, way from his bared neck that was so inviting. His own hands didn't stop wandering over Xanti's body, down his strong abdomen, tracing the hard muscle of his stomach, over the contrast of his back, the smooth, unscarred surface. He wanted to kiss those battle scars, to take them all away, to take away all his lover's pain, to hope that he wasn't consumed by the hatred of those scars to over look them. For him.

But his head soon left and Edo huffed in an attempt to regain his footing, a soft, shy smile tracing over his face. He liked that Xanti was taking control of the situation! It was a good sign that, at least, Xanti was growing used to him. Their bodies met fully, sending a shiver down Edorta's spine, his soft, lightly toned body could feel every ridge in Xanti's form, could fee the muscle flex there, and he could feel the sure, strength through everything that he was. Edorta tilted his head upward to watch his warrior as he spoke, sending a hint of color through his face. "I'm glad I found you," h responded quietly, "You've taught me so much about myself, Xanti, that you would never guess to how amazing I feel when you're just around. I adore you." he could not say love it felt like that would would only hurt him worse. There was so much that he could do now that he stood, his arms around his chosen mate's shouders, the ocean water licking his back and laughing at him as it pressed him closer to his adoring chosen one. Then he was being led from the safety of the water where he would feel the hot sun upon his shoulders, he lay his head back basking in the light.

Once on shore, the water sucking at his feet to get them back into the cool river, Edorta kept hold of his warrior's hand, holding him as close as he could as his fingers traced over the dark skin that was his. He was pushed softly back into the grass and he smiled up at Xanti as he hovered, trapping the young two spirit beneath him. Edorta's nimble fingers worked over Xanti's muscles again, the kiss that Xanti had started flowing through his entire body, as if he had been holding back all sorts of power in his old life. Xanti moved down his body, forcing a slight gasp from his parted lips. He didn't kiss his small frame, however he did stop down near his display of affection.
For some reason he was not one hundred percent convinced Xanti was ready for something like that. "Calm down, love," he panted, flipping his long hair away from is water sticky face. Edorta pulled Xanti back up by his shoulders a smile upon his face as he pulled his mate free, his hands moving over his lover's body in want and desire, but, then again, he couldn't work on his love affair like other men, he was going to allow Xanti to do as he wished. "Do what you feel comfortable with." he mumbled, closing his dark brown eyes again, his face turning upward, rater than looking up at his lover as he should have been doing.


[[Crap because it's another passing out post.]]

A curt wind wound its way down from the North, a slight and brief relief from the unwavering heat of the sun, the sweat on Xanti’s back now mingled with the remaining moisture from the river. It didn’t help that he was highly anxious; his nerves were completely frayed, thus making him produce a fair amount of perspiration than would be usual for him. The light breeze helped cool him momentarily, yet the heat that radiated from in-between he and Edorta could have been almost stifling and he found himself raking in the air. In all truth he was actually feeling slightly light-headed, he’d gone through a lot of emotions that morning and the thoughts crashed within his mind where many and vast in topic. The young warrior would have benefited from a few moments of just collecting and filing his feelings, though everything was going so fast he found he didn’t really have the time. What troubled Xanti the most however was the fact that he himself seemed to be the one hot-headedly blundering through the natural steps of love-making, resulting in him laying naked on the emerald turf with another man. All this following a perfectly ‘innocent’ bathing session, though whether or not Edorta had intended on this entire situation happening was another matter.

Still unsure about the whole situation he juggled his desires within his mind, however in the end he didn’t have to come to a decision and Edorta had come to one sooner, with that Xanti was dragged upward, his body now hovering above the other males torso. Gulping visibly he offered a feeble smile, this was all perilously new to him and he wandered if it were for his cohort also, mulling it over he watched the other man as his hands traced the hard ridges of his abdomen. This had been all that he desired, through the Endikai’s soft caresses he found meaning, by the shamans tentative looks he found feeling and through their embraces he found, dare he even think it, love. The very thought of loving this man made him worry, he couldn’t love another man, not if he were to still reclaim the title of warlord after his father. Though, what if he did? What if he did love Edorta, what would he do? While thinking of this he silently observed the other male while slowly running his hands over the other mans chest and soft skin. His body sat straddled above him, his legs folded over on either side, applying little to no pressure upon him, Xanti afraid to hurt the two-spirit.

Edorta looked so calm, so peaceful, as he lay beneath him, what would Xanti say if someone came upon them now? Look shamefaced and quickly slink away, or would he stand defiant, and be unashamed of his endeavours with another male, knowing full well what he would do he blushed and frowned at his own cowardice. He just couldn’t risk rumour reaching his people, at least not yet; it would kill Zeru to learn of his son’s sexuality second hand, let alone from Xanti himself. Snaking his hand up Edorta’s face he gently ran his fingers across that sleek jaw-line and the softness of his beautiful tanned hide. Allowing a quiet inward sigh Xanti tried to un-jumble his thoughts and make sense of this whole situation, looking down at his own body he could see his ugly scars, he could remember the very moments he got each one. Then casting his gaze unto the other man he saw an unblemished surface, as perfect as Eguzki had intended. Reflecting over the last few weeks Xanti realised he’d been without pressure, as if a mighty weight had been lifted from his shoulders, under Edorta’s care he was sure he’d visibly relaxed. Why would he trade this new and wonderful life in for the one he hardly wished to go back to?

Leaning over the two-spirit he gently kissed his bottom lip, relishing in the romantic aura of their situation and the fact that Edorta remained with his eyes closed. Pressing his lips softly over each of the other mans closed eyes he tried to gently lay his mouth against every inch of the Endikai man’s attractive face, eventually rounding back to his mouth. Xanti with bated breath lay one final kiss before uttering almost unintelligible words, ”I think I’m in love with you Edorta sem’Argi and it’s destroying me.” With care he pulled back and once again sat up, grasping the other mans hands in his he tried fervently to find an answer to his problems. Without the tears that so strenuously fought to appear Xanti watched the other man, the Endikai two-spirit he with precarious thoughts was beginning to realise he loved. By now his penis had relatively deflated due to the Zeru warrior’s thoughts becoming occupied with things other than naked men.

Edorta shivered from the wind licking at him. It contrasted heavily from the warmth of the sun blazing down upon his lithe form, bathing him in the bright, unneeded light. He wondered if night would have made it any better, if bathing with Xanti during a full moon would have somehow been even sweeter than basking with his beautiful warrior here in the bright, early morning sun. Edorta knew how Xanti looked even lovelier in the moon light, his face framed in shadows, those proud features strong and dominant. He loved the way he relaxed at night. When Edorta stayed awake at night, Xanti by his side or pressed against him, that hard face was so soft in his dreams, his eyes searching in dreams, his fingers flexing around him. Xanti was something that Edorta hadn't expected. He looked peaceful in his sleep, he looked as if he could scare, he looked more human. Beautiful and strong when awake and graced with the face of the innocent and pure as he slept, it was almost as if he were someone else in his dreams. Edorta wanted to know who he was in his sleep, who that face belonged to. Sometimes, in the deepest of dreams, Xanti would mumble things, and Edorta felt as if he were getting to know him by listening to the stories he had to tell. Like how he got the original scar. He would never forgive those women for what they had done to his dear one, for what damage they had done to him.

During the day, when the light turned those hard features, softened by night, into hard casts of stone he knew the difference. He wanted to collect Xanti into his arms, to hold him close, kiss him and take his troubles away. Edorta's eyes watched his warrior as he straddled him, looking scared and almost innocent from the set of his jaw and the gleam in his eyes. And Edorta knew that physical closeness was not to be achieved today. It was fine, and it could wait. Edorta didn't want Xanti only for his body, although it was a very nice one indeed, he wanted him for who he was, that strong, protective warrior that set bot spirits ablaze in desire for him. That was how he knew what it was he felt was real. When both of the spirits agreed and there was no arguing he decided. He'd been the one desiring Xanti since he saw him for the first time, so strong and sure, fighting for him by scaring off a bear that would hurt him were the circumstance any different. Xanti had saved his life, had not known who he was, and had thrown him hard against a tree with kisses and adoration to give him everything that he needed to have to survive. Sometimes he just wanted to run away, to get lost with Xanti, someone that he looked at as the lover of his life, as if it fell through... well, the young two spirit could have suffered being alone without much complaint.

He had never really understood the Zerui people. He'd heard things, of course, but many things he didn't listen to, nor care about. They were the same people of the same skin with the same hearts that beat within them. They were all living, breathing creatures that should have been allowed to love as their hearts, or spirits, made them to. Again, Edorta wondered what spirit Xanti would be and settled on the horse again. Xanti was so noble and strong. Even if he walked with a limp it would heal and he would walk again. He couldn't wait to see that languid stride coming for him again, kissing him as if he had never kissed a soul before. He remembered that well enough, oh, yes, there were slight scars on his back from the last encounter when he had been slammed quite forcefully into a tree. Their kisses that day had been so wonderful that he could hardly stand it. Compared to todays kisses... they'd been sexier and they had been a whole lot more fun to tease and play. It had been so sensual back then.

His eyes were closed, he realized, and he was facing the sun, lounging beneath his chosen mate, his arms above his head, his hair fanned out around his back, mingling with the grass. However, his peace was broken with Xanti's words. Edorta felt himself go cold. Kisses, he realized, had been placed about his face softly, almost ghosted by those wonderful lips of his chosen one, He'd even allowed the soft kiss, his own mimicking the motion his chosen warrior's lips had made upon his own, the soft kiss enough to make him feel as if Xanti were telling him good bye, rather than confessing his love.
"Xanti sem'Zeru..." he muttered, opening his dark eyes to gaze at the Zerui man still straddling him. "I want nothing more than your happiness. That's all I could ask for because I know that I am in love with you. There is no stopping it now that the ball is in motion.
He laced his finger's with those larger ones of Xanti, held his hands inside of his own and smiled. How much he loved him.. all that inner beauty that the Zerui couldn't see.

No, it was not goodbye, not yet at least. Xanti still had to think, still had to mull things over; but slowly he was teetering toward an answer that truly would benefit he and those that he cared for most. Thinking about it made the situation all the more difficult however, and giving himself over to the Endikai man and having sex with him, well, it truthfully would make his decision all the more certain. He couldn’t promise anything, not yet, but his strong and well-raised mind was slowly coming to a conclusion, not everyone would be happy, not everyone would benefit. But this was his life, and in the end he had to do what he himself judged as the right thing to do, in the end his life was his and it revolved around him. Not every choice he would make would cause everyone to be happy, but those that mattered, he’d try everything to gain him or her the joy they deserved. It was strange, Xanti hardly even remembered those days of his adolescence where he’d been almost consumed by the power he wielded among the Zerui.

He’d once been so conceited and egotistical that not much had mattered to him, admittedly most of it had been a façade to which he hid behind, pressured into it by his people and most of his father. Yet some of it, how he’d acted, had been him, and for that he was ashamed, of course now glad he could act as himself, as he’d never really been allowed before. Xanti was still plagued by his need to make his father and leader proud of him; it was hard, especially with all these new and unburied emotions, yet in the end what he did would have to profit the ‘greater good’. Yet in the eyes of Eguzki he was still young, a mere boy compared to others, and while his fellow warriors fathered children and fought wars he struggled to find himself in a world which could easily drown him out of it. As far as he was aware this could have been the most difficult decision within the history of his people, from his point of view at least. Yes men had chosen love over prosperity but yet had they not chosen the opposite as well, the situation Xanti found himself in was unusual and he yearned for lack of disappointment and the disownment he would receive if he chose Edorta.

He could just not go back, allow his family to presume him dead, yet their were holes in that simple plan, rumours would spread, he’d have to change his name, appearance and never risk being seen by the Zerui. Though Xanti was not the only one to whom had had assumptions about Inaki and Esti’s little love affair, by now they could be married, bearing children, who knew. As far as his people were concerned Xanti was dead, his father was in a presumed mourning and the hope of ever having their old heir, as a Warlord was hairline thin. This was the inner turmoil the young warrior faced; abandon everything for love; his beliefs, his family, his friends, his title. Everything for just the Endikai man alone, it was hard to think straight, Xanti cursed himself for still pondering both options, he would never raise to power among the Endikai, he’d never have children, never have a family. He’d be an outcast among his lovers people, was that really what the two-spirit wanted of him? He didn’t understand, he never would, what he was subconsciously asking Xanti churned the Zerui warrior to no end, it was the guilt, the love, the pressure and it was slowly killing him.

He was loved though, that much was certain. Gazing down with sorrowful eyes he watched the man below him, the man he would throw everything he knew and loved away for, oh how Edorta failed to understand the enormity of the hurdle. ”If my happiness is what you want than you shall have it. I would be happy being a Warlord but my brother would not have my sister and the holder of his heart. Nor she. I would relish in ruling my people but I’d be forced to have a wife and that would be unfair for those I would marry. I would be joyous to no end having my own warriors and land, yet I would not have you. Although sweet boy I think you fail to grasp the problem as big as it is, I will stay with you. Though confront my father, my people and go through the dishonour of losing them. Understand Edorta, I will be doing it all for you and you alone.” With their hands entwined he could not help but let his fingers go slightly limp, the realisation finally hitting him, what if he failed to walk away from his fathers lands alive? Shuddering at the cold blooded thought the tears began to slowly break free, cascading like small salty rivulets down his beautiful and chiselled face.

He was disgrace to his people, to his family and to his God. Yet deep down it had to be done, he could not be the perfect child anymore and truly, within he never had been. Gulping he slipped one hand away to wipe away the tears, with a gentle voice he queried, ”Will you make love to me Edo?” Slowly sliding down the others body once more he found himself above the others pelvis, although the moment was somewhat dead Xanti found himself fervently trying to revive it. Gently with great care he moved the other man’s legs apart, swivelling his gaze unto Edorta he positioned himself into a suitable position to enter the other man. Not knowing if this was too fast or unwanted he awaited the his lovers consent, or any words for that matter.

It was odd, the thought that he wasn't going to get to what he had been leading to, but in the end he really didn't want to ruin what his lover was doing. He was sure that he was going to break even this small hint of physical closeness if one word were uttered toward him. That was something that he didn’t want to ruin. Although he might not have been getting that physical closeness that he so strongly desired, Xanti had dropped his guard for him, had given him a sense of freedom and care unlike he was used to. Xanti was usually so strongly borne so powerful that Edorta felt like it was damn near impossible to reach across the divide that had been created by their people to touch him.

Yes, their physical bodies had touched numerous times, they had been so close that only a think piece of cloth had separated their muscle and skin from touching the warmth that belonged to one another, and yet here he was, fretting that there was something wrong. The sensations of sex, not that they knew that word, were something that he was unaware of. He was a holy object among his people, therefore he would not give himself away to anyone save for the person he loved. In the end this limited his distance in a spiritual sense, but he already had two spirits - he didn’t have to love more than one.

Edorta was a loving creature by nature, but intimately he’d turned down the best of men and the best of women, believing that one day his spirits would love one together. This had been becoming bleaker and bleaker as the days had worn on. He had been of legal age for many years, and for those years he had been presented the best that the Endikai had to offer to him. But, did he love? No. Edorta found love to be something complicated but necessary in this day and age and, as far as he was concerned, he would only love once in his life.

While he had given up himself to become a shaman, something that he had not wanted to be, to allow Xanti to stay, he still knew how hard acceptance was going to be. It could take months, maybe years. But there was already a Zerui among them. Zeru’s eldest sister, whom would have been Xanti’s mother. Perhaps she would love him? Edorta had recently learned of her, as well, so Xanti knowing would have been odd, perhaps Zeru didn’t like speaking of the sister that had left him. Disownment came with that. Edorta was stupid by no means. He knew that acceptance came hard and he knew that Xanti would be disowned by his people for loving him, but selfishly he hoped that the Zerui warrior and heir would chose him rather than his own people.

When the tears started the young two spirit was caught off guard. His body tried to pull itself up to hold him but Xanti was larger than he and therefore the youth was trapped beneath him. He felt his eyes tear up slightly in empathy but knew better than to join him. He could understand the frustration, he could understand his self loathing, and he could understand his tears, but it hurt to see him in such a way. Xanti was so strong and powerful, he was so sure of himself, that Edorta hurt when he cried. The young two spirit had not seen his chosen lover cry once, not even when he was being healed of his wounds and when Edorta pried from his dark skin the sharp tip of the arrow. He’d lain silent, his eyes staring up at the shelter ceiling. Such power, was it a wonder Edorta worried now?

As Xanti told him what he wanted the boy felt his warm skin go cold. The position of the sun remained the same, shining down upon him, but he felt as if ice had laced into his very blood, carrying to the spots once warmed by sunshine and kisses. He felt desolate. He could not give Xanti children no matter how much like a woman he was, he could not get him to rule people as he had been born to do, he could not offer him any of those things that he wanted and it hurt. If that would make Xanti happy - to live a lie that had been cultivated and coveted by the Zerui… then perhaps he should go there. Edorta knew how much it would hurt to lose his warrior, how much his souls would have to recover.

But he would allow himself to survive somehow.

The rest of the words were lost to him, until of course, he realized what he’d said. Dark eyes, one lighter than the other, lay upon those dark orbs of his chosen warrior, puzzled, quite clearly, as to his words. He was choosing him? Edorta felt some of the heat return to him, a little less desolation. “I would hope,” he started, cutting off half of the sentence to hold his fingers tighter around those of his warrior, “that you would make the choice for yourself. You do not need to consider me if it makes your choice harder.” What was he doing? Damning himself to a life of loneliness? No, Edorta knew that he had the Endikai people to surround him, to ward off those feelings of loneliness in the bright light of the day. It would be at night when he would know of the loss, when there was no longer a body there to hold him in his sleep, to know he was protected. It would be hard learning to sleep again. It had been a few weeks since Xanti had come to them and already he was not looked at so badly. Edorta had scolded them for gazing at him with ill contempt, which had done away with some of the pain, but he knew better than to go too far and force acceptance. He would wait. He was used to Xanti in his bed now, without him sleep would be restless if not there at all.

He was staying? Edorta felt a bitter sweet jubilation at the idea, his mind wrapping itself around the words that he had said. Comforting and sure it was, he wanted to make sure that he was alright with it. However, before he could speak, his body was pulled to his lover’s his dear Xanti pulling his legs around him, his hands over him. His pale face lit up with blood as the warmth returned to him. There was so much to think about, so much he didn’t know, but here he stood - or lay- his back on the ground his legs around Xanti’s hips with a simple request.

Or it would have been simple moments ago. He wanted to tell him it was alright that he would be more than willing to do this for him, but when he thought about it he froze now. What if Xanti left? Hadn’t he said he would stay? Edorta struggled to believe his honesty for a moment, his eyes searching into those of Xanti with question. Was it alright to allow this? Was it alright for Xanti’s stability now? Would it reassure him of how he felt? All of these thoughts at once.

It would hurt. It would hurt in more than one way. His body relaxed in Xanti’s hands and slowly he nodded his head, a faint, unsure smile tracing over his lips. He could survive like this, he could hold Xanti close and be his for as long as it took. He didn’t care about what happened to him anymore, all he wanted was to be sure that Xanti made it through this with a sound mind. Anything that would give him a chance or take from it had to be looked at closely. Add to that the pain that would be ten times greater if his warrior changed his mind. Edorta wouldn’t survive a pain like that. There was no way to survive like that. But he would. He had to. His people needed him because of what he was, not for who. He would provide a solid root to Egzuki, he would remain standing after the pain. Not because he wanted to, he would be a ghost of himself if Xanti chose to remain with his people, but he would live, and that was what mattered.

Perhaps he could take a spirit with him? Edorta knew that both were with him now. She longed to heal his soul and he longed to toughen him up. She was winning by softening up the male spirit, telling him that he was being ridiculous, and now he was to show him some kindness. Edorta slipped his hands up, running his fingers through the thin strip of hair before he brought himself up to kiss Xanti’s lips. Soft, chaste lips found those of his lover. “Just make a choice that won’t hurt you? I am yours.”

That was something that the young two-spirit meant. He knew the decisions ahead would be painful at best, but he would accept it as it came. For now he had his warrior in his arms and was not going to let him go. Not without a fight.