I am looking for volunteers to follow me to New Orleans to help eradicate any possible zombies. As you know Hurricane Katrina has fucked New Orleans in the ass violently. The way the dead are buried in New Orleans they will be flooded from their graves and open to float around the city. With new Orleans amazing Voodoo percentage it is inevitable that the dead will awaken and other un-natural forces will be afoot.

We will arm ourselves with many bullets and guns as well as each member having one melee weapon of their own finding.


Please apply below with your qualifications.
Experiance a plus but not required.

I like guns and stuff, do I qualify?

yes.


NEXT!

im an RBG member... and i like guns... can i come

Been dealing with zombies for a few years now, and am well conversant in methods of dispatch. We've got about eight shotguns, a pair of Kalashnikovs, numerous pistols, and enough powder and shot to load 5000+ shells or make some mean homemade dynamite. Am I in?

Well, I was there when they anounced the evacuation. In my hurry, I left my cell phone charger in the hotel room. I have to return to get it back before my phone dies. <Hang in there! I can't loose you!> So I will be going in armed to the teeth with or without you. If you find me as a zombie, or turning into one, please, I beg you, kill me. Goodbye.

ok as long as my gun is the ultimate weapon against evil....

The Shotgun I've got plenty of swords and staves and body armor to get close and nitty gritty with them there zombie fucks.

Well, I'm pretty good with my hands and know how to handle a knife or a sword. Bazookas too! That and I aim better than Kagome :) . I'm also not disturbed by zombies.

I wanna go! I can be the token kick-ass female who keeps the men from yelling at each other and going insane. I also like guns and swords. Can I come?

Body armor is particularly useless against zombies.


Yes you're all in. you're going to be putfitted in whatever you can find as well as we're hanging meat and brains from your bodies. your jobs will be to run through the streets screaming while me and mike pick them off with rifles.

Oh come now, Craig! You know as well as I do that shotguns are, by far, the more effective tool for dealing with these threats.

Apparently someone hasn't read the zombie survival guide.
I bought it on the day of it's release.


We are to trim our hair short, and prepare to snipe them from afar, while our backs are covered by those armed with shotguns and/or automatic weapons to prevent any zombies from flanking us. Swords and spears will be made to decapitate and destroy the heads incase of close range. We will go in by boat and perch ourselves on top of a building. Be wary of any floating zombies ready to grab you from the water. In case of survivors we hog tie them with zip ties and check their bodies for bites and watch them closely incase the virus is spread by contact with toxins in the water. Any signs of turning results in instant extermination, followed by torching the bodies. Samples of the flesh, brains, and blood will be taken to return to scientists so they may study it and hopefully find a new method of mass extermination.

With any surviors that we can manage to save we relocate to higher ground and build a fortification while awaiting reinforcements and/or rescue. Teams of three in very light gear will be selected to go aquire supplies such as food and fresh water (bottled) as well as ammunition, guns, nails, hammers, wood, etc.

I've thought this through, neh.


While the use of my wang would seem helpful we cannot risk the chance of it turning into a zombie wang and destroying the planet.

oh and the body armor that I have is actually effective. Which is why I'd be the guy guarding the sniper with 2 swords and my shotgun. and I'm also geting another set of level 3 kevlar, my military friend is gonna order it for me. If I have that studd no zombie will be able to bite through it, though I do need time to weight train it.

Body armor protects the body. Not the legs, arms, and head. Helmets hamper visibilty and weigh your head down. Two swords are useless becauseit'd be better to focus your attacks into one blade with quick and efficient blows to the head or severing the spinal cord.

Your best bet would be a machete for up close and a shotgun for a little bit of extra range. Also, body armor can be tugged off and is just another thing for a zombie to grab a hold of (Level 3 body armor, including kevlar, has steel or ceramic plates used to prevent a rifle round). It is also very heavy.

When dealing with zombies your best bet is speed, stealth, range and the high ground.

If you're in a building with wooden or stone stairs, destroy them. A sharpened broom stick and a flight of destroyed stairs can hold off zombies for a very long time. Your only worry is that they start climbing over one another to form an effective crossable barrier. Hence why prisons are another good place to hide because of HIGH stone walls, courtyards, weapons and ammo, excessive secure areas, materials, food, water reserves, and potential distractions/ soldiers.

I think we should kick trent out of the party.

He is way to prepared. The thrill of zombie fighting is the improvisation that follows. If you already have all the tools and knowhow, then what's the point?

We need to be the guys who pick weapons off the guys who had all the tools and knowhow but somehow got slaughtered, and then as a rag-tag band of untrained civilians armed with random thing from a workshed and those few precious weapons we pull off the bodies of those who litter the streets succeed where armies before us have failed!

That's why he's here. He's that guy who goes off alone with a ton of ammo that we need and we later find the body and raid his corpse. I blow some zombies heads off and yell "THIS IS MY BOOMSTICK!" and then blast another slug into yet another zombie's head.


Fuck yeah, I rule.


Also you all have to be like posing dramatically while I stand ontop of a hill of dead zombies with a half naked woman inone arm, shotgun raised above my head, half empty bandoleer of shells draped across my chest and another woman holding onto my leg.


Mike, you get that one girl.


You know...that one in every zombie movie. The crazy one who gets slapped around to settle her ass out.

One cruicial part of the team is still missing: the medic. We need a person who will be willing to risk his or her life to inject oe of our wonded solidiers with painkillers in that last cruicial moment right before the zombies are about to get him. This way th soldier will be able to get right back into action!

Sounds fun! ( starts sharping blades)

I'm cool with having a slappable woman.

But I would be the guy who you tend to see posed on top of a building, working alone but somehow always saving the team of heros. You know, the guy who never really spree kills, but makes up for it with style kills. I also probably kill more living humans than zombies because there are so many gangs of punks running around starting shit and not contributing to society.

:angry: Women are not "slappable", thank you. And you guys are forgetting the rough-n-tumble woman who keeps the testosterone-driven men from beating each other up while deciding who has the better ideas and who should be the leader.

I didn't say all women are slappable!

And I'll be the asian that always looses his weapon but ends up kicking th zombie ass with his martial art skilz...

The Level three kevlar is only for the guy guarding the sniper. Mainly because if it gets to that the guy in kevlar needs to kill as many zombies as he can. And with enough swords and staves and good armor I can kill lots of zombies and buy time. Also if for some reason I kill all zombies attacking me with out getting bit since level 3 kevlar, well then I just walk to catch up.

I'm not sure that grammer made sense, but what I get from it is Master Cheif is a pimp and we should bring him along... NO. We should save him, and then invite him along!!!

You can only use kung-fu if you're a preist from england.

Please see Dead Alive.

Or if you're a female in a short skirt and tight shirt, Resident EVIL

Psht, Slut.. Don't be dissin my heritage..

Man I walk away for a day and suddenly I'm getting killed? I can't die until the undead scum are wiped from this world. Let IG be your silly loner scapegoat. He'd be good at it. And there's the added benefit of reducing the amount of emo in the world

Does a White/Shamanistic magic-user count as a "medic"? XD I have experience smiting evil in the name of justice! I can also provide useful decoy time with long-winded justice speeches! >D

No, shut up.


Resident Evil is not an option. I block the movies out. Only the games exist in my world.


You have to be a priest if you want to use kung-fu.

Well...I don't really have qualifications to speak of...but I could be the black guy who is ceremoniously killed in the zombie rampage. I'd likely ressurect to become the supreme zombie leader and kill you all. <_<

What are you talking about? When did anyone mention anything about the Resident Evil movies?

I'm under the assumption Kyo was reffering to the use of Kung-Fu in the resident evil movie because they replied after my mention of a movie title.

Though admittedly I've only seen the first one, and was re3ally dissapointed so I went without seeing the second one.


((All game movies are bad. Only exception will be the HALO movie because you can't really make HALO any worse :P)

No, you live. You escape at the end of the whole thing with a white woman and a helicopter a la Dawn Of The Dead (1970's version).

Correction: the original "Mortal Kombat" movie was decent.

decent, but the 2nd one was pretty awful, thus killing the first one's success.

Criag! Edit button!

I dunno.... either resurected zombie king, or old blind blackmans son who has learned from his old blind black father the secrets of zombie creation, control, and destruction, making you the one who allows our little gang to be the ones who ultimately and perminantly kill all the zombies in the world with one fell swoop!

Guys, we have a new objective.
There is a blitzball tournament being held at the superdome. Our mission is to get to the superdome in one piece, killing as many zombies and collecting as many survivors as we can along the way. One we reach the superdome, kill off any zombies inside and blitz our arses off!

Actually first RE movie blew, second RE movie was just damn sweet, and I was referring to the second movie.

Well, I suppose I'm going to have to haul my ass into town to rent it. *mumble* God damn gas prices. 30 minutes to the nearest decent sized town.