Here's one I like.

"I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don't have as many people who believe it." -George Carlin.

there is much better stuff from George Carlin than that...

I know, I was just starting off with that one. It popped into my head.

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." -Mahatma Gandhi

Please stop being a duchebag. If you think that then just post a different fucking quote. Stop trolling my forums.

"You go to Hell and I'll go to Texas." - Davy Crockett

"History will will be kind to me for I intend to write it." - Winston Churchill

"There are a million fine looking women in the world. Most of them don't bring you lasanga at work, they mostly just cheat on you." - Kevin Smith as Silent Bob in Clerks

"Be excellent to each other." - Bill S. Preston Esq.

"Party On Dudes!" - Ted "Theodore" Logan

w00t! Over 200 post!

methinks mike has never actually seen the results of a real troll...

anywho, here are a bit of quotes i like

this good enough for you mike?

"By your command." - Every fucking Cylon


"Dude I can't believe you came on my mom." - one dude from the movie Grandma's Boy

"Is this like a God damn?" Beavis in Beavis and Butt-Head do America

"and Then?" - Lady at the Chinese take out drivethrough in Dude Wheres My Car?

"In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language." -Mark Twain

"Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose." -Robin Williams

"Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?" -George Carlin

"I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait." -Mitch Hedberg

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
- George Carlin

One woman and one man might have been okay in your grandmother's day, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Nobody! Not even your grandfather.
- Groucho Marx

"He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife." -Douglas Adams in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -Groucho Marx

My little sister says that Dufresnes (wikiquote spelled it wrong-- it's French with a silent "s") quote pretty often. It's pretty annoying. A lot of Mitch Hedberg fans are annoying if you think about it. I hate people that reiterate comedians jokes and try to play it off like it's theirs or something. And for some reason a lot of Mitch Hedberg fans do that.

I don't have any good quotes. I'll just be boring and use a Friedrich Nietzche quote...
"In heaven all the interesting people are missing."

"Behold I am a herald of the lightning and a heavy drop of the cloud and this lightning is called overman!" - Zarathrustra in Thus Spoke Zarathrustra by Nietzche

"Hehehe Saber beats rock." - President Bush

"Boring...Lets Fight!" - President Bush

"Its a trap!" - Admiral Ackbar in Return of the Jedi

"I see you." -The End, Metal Gear Solid 3

[Crockett is about to be executed by the Mexicans] "You tell the general I'm willing to discuss the terms of surrender. You tell him; if he'll order his men to put down their weapons and line up, I'll take them to Sam Houston and I'll try my best to save most of them. That said; Sam's a mite twitchy, so no promises." -Davy Crockett The Alamo(2004)

"This is my BOOMSTICK!" - Ash in Army of Darkness

"Ash..Housewares." - Ash
On the first day of an English Composition course I took last quarter the prof asked us to tell everybody our name and major I said this and nobody got it.

"Believe it!" - Naruto
Lol just fuckin with you.

"Nuts." -General McAuliffe's response to the German demands to surrender the town of Bastogne during the Battle of the Bulge.

"When shells are hitting all around you and you wipe the dirt off your face and realize that instead of dirt it's the blood and guts of what once was your best friend beside you, you'll know what to do!" -General George S. Patton in his Speech to the Third Army.

"When you put your hand into a bunch of goo that a moment before was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do." -Patton in the movie "Patton"

"No poor bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making other bastards die for their country." -General George S. Patton

World War II had some great generals.

Life is a Lemon and I want my Money back!

"I never slept with a Spanish chick before. Ole!" - Glen Quagmire

"I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately, the resemblance doesn't end there." -Groucho Marx

"Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough." -Groucho Marx

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception" -Groucho Marks

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -Groucho Marx

"I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home." -Groucho Marx

"Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others." -Groucho Marx

"Either he's dead or my watch has stopped." -Groucho Marx

"He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot." -Groucho Marx

"I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members." -Groucho Marx

"I must confess, I was born at a very early age." -Groucho Marx

I like the Marx Brothers.

Note: Daleks - are amazing as are you for a Who related quote. ahem.

Quotes from Doctor Who

"Jenkins! Chap with the wings there -- five rounds rapid."
-The Brigadier, in "The Daemons"

"Five million Cybermen easy... One Doctor... now you're scared."
-Rose, in "Doomsday"

"[disappointed] Aw, I wanted to be ginger! I've never been ginger! And you, Rose Tyler! Fat lot of good you were! You gave up on me! [Rose looks annoyed] Ooh, that's rude... Is that the sort of man I am now? Am I rude? Rude and not ginger."
-The Doctor, in "The Christmas Invasion"

"Sycorax Leader: IF I might interrupt...!
The Doctor: Yes - sorry! Hello, big fella!
Sycorax Leader: Who exactly are you?
The Doctor: [Grinning] Well, that's the question...!
Sycorax Leader: [Bellowing] I demand to know who you are!
The Doctor: [Mimicking] I don't knooooow! [normal] See, there's the thing. I'm the Doctor but beyond that... I-I just don't know, I literally do not know who I am. It's all untested. Am I funny? Am I sarcastic? Sexy? [winks at Rose] Right old misery? Life and soul? Right-handed? Left-handed? A gambler? A fighter? A coward? A traitor? A liar? A nervous wreck? I mean, judging by the evidence I've certainly got a gob! And how am I gonna react when I see this? A great big threatening button. Ah-hah.
[sees the control matrix and runs up to it]
The Doctor: A great big threatening button which must not be pressed under any circumstances, am I right? Let me guess, it's some sort of control matrix, hmm? Hold on, what's feeding it? And what have we got here? Blood? :[tastes] Yep, definitely, blood, human blood, A-positive, with just a dash of iron. Haagh. But that means... blood control; blood control!! Awwww, I haven't seen blood control for years! You're controlling all the A-positives. Which leaves us with a great, big, stinking problem. 'Cause I really don't know who I am. I don't know when to stop. So if I see a great, big, threatening button - which should never, ever, ever be pressed - then I just wanna do this!
[Presses the button] "
- in "The Christmas Invasion"

GOD! I used to be a quote fanatic! :[ Can't do it so much anymore though.

-pets-

Tis ok. Still wuff you

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand

Kurt Vonnegut

"What don't we do?"

"Date our stalkers"

But Seth did that, so I don't think it works as a quote anymore....


"Hope is a waking dream" Aristotle.

"If hope is just a waking dream, might I sleep forever" My take on it

But he learned, is the point!

I save collections of quotes. here are the ones I like the best at this moment.


You can't have manslaughter without laughter.

"If automobiles had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside." --Robert Cringley

"Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they're not out to get you." --Unknown

"Life is hard. It’s even harder if you’re stupid."
- Anonymous

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe striving to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning." --Rich Cook

"It is useless for sheep to pass a resolution in favor of vegetarianism while wolves remain of a different opinion."
- William Randolph Inge

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?

Abraham Lincoln once walked down the street with his two sons, both of whom were crying. "What's the matter with you boys?" asked a passerby. "Exactly what is wrong with the whole world," said Lincoln. "I have three walnuts, and each boy wants two."
-(told by George Sweeting)

You can get more with a nice word and a gun than you can with a nice word.
- Al Capone

"The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it."
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."
- Voltaire (1694-1778)
--
"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."
- Carl Sagan

"It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations."
--
"Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you."
- Carl Gustav Jung (1875-1961)

"The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time."
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
--
"Woman was God's second mistake."
- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
--
The quickest way to end a war is to lose it.
George Orwell
--
It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
Gore Vidal

Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite.
John Kenneth Galbraith
--
What luck for rulers that men do not think.
Adolf Hitler

If God were suddenly condemned to live the life which he has inflicted upon men, He would kill himself.
Alexander Dumas

All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power.
Ashleigh Brilliant

It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust.
Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

You live and learn. At any rate, you live.
Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)

War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.
John Stuart Mill (1806 - 1873)

Operationally, God is beginning to resemble not a ruler but the last fading smile of a cosmic Cheshire cat.
Sir Julian Huxley (1887 - 1975)

The modern definition of 'racist' is someone who is winning an argument with a liberal.
Peter Brimelow, National Review (2/1/93)

A friend is someone who will help you move. A real friend is someone who will help you move a body.
Unknown

When vultures watching your civilization begin dropping dead, it is time to pause and wonder.
David Brower

"A neurotic is the man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. A psychiatrist is the man who collects the rent."
- Jerome Lawrence


I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
--Jack Handy, from "Deep Thoughts

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.
- Mark Twain

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Life is a disease,sexually transmitted and fatal.
- Neil Gaiman

If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.
- Anatole France

His philosophy was a mixture of three famous schools - the Cynics, the Stoics and the Epicureans - and summed up all three of them in his famous phrase, You can't trust any bugger further than you can throw him, and there's nothing you can do about it, so let's have a drink.
- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

What, sir, would the people of the earth be without women? They would be scarce, sir, mighty scarce. Then let us cherish her; let us protect her; let us give her our support, our encouragement, our sympathy, ourselves- if we get a chance.
- Mark Twain, Woman, An Opinion

All in all, nothing human is worth taking very seriously
- Plato, The Republic

"We are here on Earth to do good to others. What the others are here for, I don't know."
W. H. Auden

"When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him."
Thomas Szasz

"Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing."
Robert Benchley

"True friends stab you in the front."
Oscar Wilde

"For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbours, and laugh at them in our turn?"
Jane Austen Pride and Prejudice.

Today I bent the truth to be kind, and I have no regret, for I am far surer of what
is kind than I am of what is true. -Robert Brault

Many conscientious objectors were willing to sacrifice themselves for their country...they were simply unwilling to kill for it.

"All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring."
Chuck Palahniuk

air control captin "what do you make of this johnson?"

Johnson "well I can make a hat or a bowtie or a mask." quoted from airplane

Airplane was a great movie. :) I love slapstick and spoofs.

In that train of thought more quotes!


"Michelle Rodham Huddleston: Oh, Ramada, how could you have been so blind? You always too wrapped up in being Miss Perfect College to notice me. Why should you concern yourself with the feelings of one insignificant roommate? One fabulous day, one incredible experience.
Ramada Rodham Hayman: I had no idea it meant so much to you.
[Col. Walters looks extremely fascinated by the women's conversation]
Michelle Rodham Huddleston: I remember that day as if it were yesterday. The exhilaration of experimenting, sharing something so new, so dangerous, so intimate.
Col. Denton Walters: [in a deep voice to Ramada] Go on.
Ramada Rodham Hayman: And I'll never forget the look on your face. The way the sweat glistened on your hard body.
[Col. Walters starts to sweat]
Ramada Rodham Hayman: Then you tied my ankles. Tighter. Tighter.
[Col. Walters, still sweating, motions for more from Ramada]
Ramada Rodham Hayman: But it just wasn't right. It wasn't natural.
[Col. Walters is about to pass out from listening to Ramada]
Ramada Rodham Hayman: Bungee-jumping is just too dangerous a sport.
Col. Denton Walters: [surprised] Bungee-jumping? That's it? "
--Hot Shots pt. Deux

"Truck Driver: [shouts] Ya dumb broad!
Driving instructor: All right, Stephanie, gently extend your arm. Extend your middle finger. Very good. Well done. "
--The Naked Gun