Why Ed Hates Milk
WARNING!!!!
Not for the faint of heart, the weak of stomach, or the easily offended. Read, and enjoy, at your own risk!
Once upon a time, a very young Ed was introduced to a glass of milk. His mom left him alone for a few minutes to do...whatever, and the milk rose out of the glass and turned into Roy. Roy started beating Ed and made him sing "I Think We're Alone Now" until his ears bled. Ed got so mad that he hit Roy, who turned into a magical pinata full of tiny Ed dolls, then back into milk. Ed feared that if he drank the milk, he would turn into Roy, or worse, that pinata. And Ed did NOT want to be whacked mercilessly by rabid fangirls! so to this day he avoids milk and is permanently stunted. THE END!
The moral: Roy is made out of milk. We do not recommend you get your calcium supply out of him.
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Why Ed is Afraid of Milk
A terribly tragic tale in the vein of Fullmetal Alchemist's angstiness... Please enjoy!
One day, young Ed was given his first glass of milk. Being curious, he tried to use alchemy on the milk. BIG MISTAKE. The milk was really hot, and it splashed on him!
Poor Ed contracted milk disease, a horrible and painful disease where one shoots milk out of their nose for day on end. His lasted for about 2 weeks.
After he was healed from the horrible milk disease, he became afraid that if he ever drank milk again, he would start squirting milk out his nose again, and that hurt!
So, Ed never drank milk again.
The moral of this story is: Give a kid water, and he'll be happy for a day. Give a kid milk, and you'll traumatize him for the rest of his life.
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Why Al Likes Kitties
A touching peek at why Al has a strong affinity towards cats. Please enjoy!
The reason Al likes cats started right after Ed had sealed his soul to the suit of armor. You see, there was an add-on to the reaction.
The person fused with the armor would have a great liking for the first thing they saw when they first woke up. It could even be a thing.
When Al woke up, strangely, a cat was staring at him. So, he really liked the cat. That is the reason Al likes kitties.
He will love cats forever. But, he doesn't mind that at all. Just don't say 'There's more than one way to skin a cat.' He gets really angry, part of the whole 'first thing you see you love' thing.
The end.
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FMA's TUNE IN JINGLE BELLS
Running from Winry,
She’s got her wrench in hand,
Is Alphonse human?
He needs to understand
Edward is not short, although many don’t know
That the fact our favorite dude, will continue to grow
Oh, Wrath rebels,
Gluttony smells,
But Roy does smell worse
And if you call Ed Elric small,
At you he sure will curse
Ed gets mad,
When Al says,
Things about their dad,
And there’s the fact
Roy Mustang is a
Pervert just a tad
Al finally clocked Ed,
In episode 23,
He was really mad,
That we all could see,
Oh I wish that,
Hughes was still alive,
Cause there is the sad fact,
He died in episode 25
Oh, Wrath rebels,
Gluttony smells,
But Roy does smell worse
And if you call Ed Elric small,
At you he sure will curse
Ed gets mad,
When Al says,
Things about their dad
And there’s the fact
Roy Mustang is a
Pervert just a tad
HEY!
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The Imposter and the Attitude Al Prefers
The title says it all without giving away the mysterious twist at the end. Please enjoy!
Part 1
*Ed fixes bicycle for tourist*
Tourist: *looks disappointed* I thought that the Fullmetal Alchemist would fix my bike...*points at Al*
Ed: I did.
Tourist: *stares down at Ed, confused* You're the Fullmetal Alchemist?? From what I heard, he's a tall guy with a suit of armor hanging around some midget tryin' to get credit off him.*points suspiciously at Ed*
Al: Brother.... You know what the doctor said about getting angry and what it does to you...
Ed: I'm not angry.
Al: *checks Ed's eyes* Are you sure????
Ed: Yes, I'm sure. It's bad to be mean. *acts like an angel*
Part 2
*Al and Ed sit on a bench in bazaar. Al examines Ed suspiciously*
Al:Are you sure your okay??
Ed: Yes, my dear brother.
Part 3
*All of a sudden, a guy that looks like Ed walked up eating teriyaki chicken, saw Al next to Ed, and stopped.*
Other Ed: Uhhh...Al who is he??
Ed: Why, I'm Ed. *positioned like an angel*
Al: Uhhh.... *stares at Eds confused*
*People walk by whispering, "Geez, look how short that kid is! Where'd he get his clothes? The kids aisle??*
OtherEd: *Turns head evilly like in The Exorcist* Who ya callin' short! *Chases people around bazaar, cursing*
Al: I think i know which one is the real Ed...
Part 4
*Real Ed locked up in prison*
Ed: *stares out prison cell bars* Al, you get back here! You know damn well which one of us is real!!
Al: (thinks: At least this Ed is nicer...)
The end.
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The Baby and the Wrench
Why does Winry have such an attachment to her wrench?
A long, long time ago, before Ed even attempted to try alchemy, before Alphonse was in a suit of armor.
Let us turn back the clock, back to when Ed was 2, Al was 1, and Winry had just been born.
Baby Winry was mostly quiet. She didn’t cry much, and she very much liked 1-year-old Edward Elric.
One day, Winry was in the same room as Ed and a toolbox. Don’t ask me why these two were alone; I guess Ed’s mom went to get something.
From the crib, Winry reached to the nearby toolbox, and took out a wrench.
“Whatcha got dere Winy?” asked toddler Ed. (“What do you have there Winry?” Is the best translation I can provide for chibi-ish.)
Winry had the wrench in her hand, and, hit Ed on the head with it.
He got a big bump, and he started crying waterfalls.
Winry giggled at his reaction, and hit him again.
Soon, the hitting with a wrench became almost second nature to her, and that night she slept with it.
...She still does. From that one mistake of leaving a toolbox in the room, sparked Winry’s love of machines and wrenches. And, well, Ed goes far away when he’s not getting his automail fixed and she has a wrench in her hand.
Moral of this story: Never leave chibis, babies, or open toolboxes in the same room unguarded, you might start someone’s habit.
THE END!
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Just You
An Ed/Winry romantic story
"... And here’s Nelly and her mother,” Winry was saying from her seat on the floor, tracing the tip of her finger over the waxy surface of the old photograph. “Remember when their cow won first place at the summer fair?”
Sprawled on the sofa, Edward stretched his neck to look over Winry’s shoulder at the battered old album. Fading pieces of their past were tucked carefully away within its pages, glued in place carefully. Trust a mechanic to set her photos at neat right angles, neatly labeled with names and dates.
“Oh, look, it’s Michael from down the valley!” she exclaimed, turning a page with a heavy rustle and pointing to the face of a cheerfully smiling boy, probably ten or eleven years old with messy brown hair. Edward frowned.
“Don’t remember him,” he said, puzzled. “How’d we know him?”
Winry’s smile was bright with mischief at the memory. “Oh, Granny used to buy apples from his family’s orchards. I don’t know if you ever met him.” She laughed. “I had such a crush on him for a while. I used to beg Granny to make pie so that we would run out of apples faster.”
When Ed didn’t laugh, she tilted her head back to give him a frown. “What?”
“Nothing,” Edward muttered, glaring at the sofa cushions. “You liked that kid?” he added when she wouldn’t stop frowning at him.
Winry snorted, shifting slightly for a better look at him as she leaned against the couch. “Oh, for heaven’s sake, Ed. It was a childhood crush. Don’t tell me you never had any.”
“Not really,” Edward said, and she threw her arms in the air. “Honestly, Ed! You’re hopeless,” she said, and went back to her trip to the past, murmuring names aloud as she flipped through the pages.
He waited until she was absorbed again before adding, too softly for her to hear and turn to see his slight blush, “Just you.”
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this one rocks i love it:
Roy: *ring, ring..* HELLO!
Hughes: Hey, Roy, are you coming to Central this weeknd?
Roy: Yeah why?
Hughes: I just wanted to call and say we have some leads on Scar.
Roy: Ok, thanks. Bye!
Hughes: Oh, and Roy, you might want to find a wife too! What about Riza?
Roy: The Second Liutenant? No Way!
Hughes: Oh, come on, Roy, you know you like her (in a tattle tale voice).
Roy: Huuughes!(fingers in snapping position).
Hughes: Ok, fine, go ahead and live your life in pathetic loneliness.
Roy: GOOD BYE! (slamming the phone down).
Hawk: Sir, our budget can't afford to buy you a new phone, so be gentle with it!
Roy: Uh! (wondering what Hughes had said) Second Liutenant. Uh? (runs to his room).
Hawk: Knock knock!
Roy: (opens the door) Ah! Um?
Hawk: Sir, you've been ignoring me alot lately.
Roy: No, I haven't! (in a high voice) I mean, no, I haven't (once again in a lower tone).
Hawk: Okay, then could you go and feed Hayate for me? I'm going to grab some coffee with Havoc!
Roy: Havoc?
Hawk: Do you have a problem with that?
Roy: No! (slams the door and cries like a little girl) Why me? I'm such an idiot!
Hawk: Um! Sir?
Roy: Leave me alone you mean lady!
Hawk: Okaaay!
Havoc: So how did it go?
Hawk: Fine. He's sitting in his room like a little girl crying!
Havoc: Good! Does he even know it's his birthday?
Hawk: I don't think so. I guess Hughes did a pretty good job!
Havoc: Yeah, but it cost me half my life savings to get him that Kodak camera!
Hawk: How does Ed fit into the picture?
Havoc: He's supposed to have his yearly alchemy exam today so when Roy is there supervising him take the test, he'll transmute the decorations. We'll all yell suprise. You'll send him a text message that says, "Are we still on for Saturday?" and he'll be sooo happy.
Hawk: I paid all the girls in the military 50 dollars if they would wear a miniskirt to the party.
Havoc: Really! (in his head "oh man this is gonna be great"). So what will you be wearing?
Hawk: I guess the usual cocktail dress.
Havoc: Alright.
Hawk: So do you have the guest list ready?
Havoc: Yep!
Hawk: Did you invite Armstrong?
Havoc: No, but I know he'll ruin the party with his family crap.
Hawk: Listen, you little chain smoker of a man, when I tell you to do something you do it or else, instead of just having Alex talk about his family, I'll invite his family!
Havoc: Okay then! Gosh, is it your time of the month again!
Hawk: (hits him in the head with her gun) Too bad, no ammo.
Havoc: What the hell you do that for?
Hawk: You're impossible!
Havoc: WTF? Look it's Ed and Al!
Hawk: What happened Al? (Al: wig, nose, the whole clown package)
Ed: It wasn't my fault he decided to be a clown!
Al: Oh, come on, I thought I would try to help with the party!
Hawk: It's all right.
Hawk: Oh Ed what are you going to wear?
Ed: I don't know. Whatever's left I haven't torn up.
Hawk: Well, Hayate is gonna wear this cute little dog tux. It's gonna be so cuuute! (saying this in a teenage gossipy fashion queen voice)
TIME FOR THE PARTY!
Well, to make a long story short all the guys got drunk, all the women got restraining orders, and for Ed he would rather have had Al the clown other than Havoc's big idea for strippers! Oh and Hughes got the third degree form his wife. "How could you let Alicia go into a party like that huh? Huh?"
Oh, and when Ed asked Winry to dance on a slow song Winry couldn't find a wrench so she hit him across the head with a wine glass.
THE END!
MUHAHAHAHAHAHH!