Just read it...You will laugh your @$$ off! (specially in the 3rd chapter!)
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Dog Dayz
The blond State Alchemist lazily raised his hand up to the wooden door of the house in Central. He rapped on the door fairly hard, but when he didn’t hear a response, he barged right in. Manners were not always his strong point. He figured that his auto mail made a more audible sound than the brass knocker. His blond braid swished behind him, as the door slammed shut. The sound echoed eerily throughout the house.
“Hello?” He called into the poorly lit room. His golden eyes traveled around it searching for the new State Alchemy recruit. “Jon Mustang? Are you in here?”
Jon Mustang was Roy’s little brother, and he was around 18 years old. Roy had always been so much better at everything than his little brother, and always seemed to rub it in his face. Jon had been working hard in alchemy over the last few years, and his specialty had been in transformation. He had finally gotten good enough to gain approval from the Colonel himself. Maybe that is why the Colonel never mentioned having a little brother in the first place.
Edward was sent to retrieve this new recruit, and take him back to HQ. Then Ed heard a thud from the next room, behind another dingy, wooden door. I guess he never cleans up in this place, and dedicates his life to beating Roy. I’m glad Al and I aren’t like that…
Ed knocked again, but instead, he knocked on the door in the hallway. It rung through the hall, and the door creaked open. Nobody was standing behind it though; and then he heard another sound, and a glow came from across the room. Ed smirked, and approached the light and the shadowy figure across the room.
“Finally! I thought I would never find you!” Ed said a bit ticked off. The shadow suddenly disappeared, and Ed stopped. “What the heck?” His confused eyes traveled down, and they saw that he was standing in the middle of an unfamiliar transmutation circle. Another creature was also in the circle; it was a snail.
Lights began to glow, and a sickening thought struck Edward: I’m being transmuted! He felt his feet turn to liquid, followed by the rest of his body. Everything began to grow larger, and he closed his eyes in fear.
Then everything stopped. No lights, no sound, no movement except for poor shivering Edward. He cracked his eyes open, and noticed right away that he was much shorter. He also had his hands over his eyes. Wait! He thought frantically. Those aren’t my hands! They’re…paws! He extended his paws in front of his face, and he fell flat on his face. Ow…that hurt! Why aren’t feet helping me stand up straight?
His answer came quickly, but not without regret. A quick swivel of his head proved that he was covered in blondish fur, and his four short legs were firmly planted on the ground. Then he felt something else that struck him odd. Something wiggled on his butt, back and forth. What is this madness? Please, let it all be a dream! A fluffy tail was wagging side to side. The truth then occurred to the poor FullMetal Alchemist: I’ve been transmuted into a dog!
Jon Mustang had never attempted human transmutation before, so when he visited the gate, he had no idea what to expect. He didn’t even know that he had done a human transmutation. His experiment was to turn a snail into a mouse, but little did he know, he had turned the FullMetal Alchemist into a dog.
His trip to the gate wasn’t all that bad, and it was over practically before it began. He blue eyes searched the room for his creation, and his trademark ‘Mustang’ hair lay flat on his head. His eyes came upon his used transmutation circle, and in the center was a frightened little dog with blond fur. Jon’s first thought was How cute! But then it was back down to business. He soon realized that he had created a perfect dog from the components of a mouse and snail. Wait till Roy hears about his this! He thought deviously.
Jon slowly approached the dog that appeared to be frozen in fear. He lifted it up, and examined the canine carefully. By this time, Ed had gotten his act together, and wasn’t happy about being poked and prodded.
“OW!” Jon screamed in pain, as he threw Ed to the ground. Edward had sunk his teeth into a meaty finger, and shaken his head around vigorously.
Ed tumbled into a wall, and hit his fragile canine skull against it. The force caused him to fall dizzy, and black out. He lay motionless on the ground, and practically harmless.
“You little demon! You sure aren’t slow like a snail, but you are small like a little mouse.” He smiled at his joke, and glared at Ed. Subconsciously, Ed bared his teeth, and growled at this short joke. He may have looked like a dog, but he was still Ed on the inside.
Jon Mustang kept giggling at his tasteless joke, and scooped the unconscious dog in his arms. He placed Ed in a box, punched holes in the cardboard, and began to carry it to Central HQ, so he could brag about it to his older brother, Roy Mustang. This dog would be living proof that he had transmuted an actual animal perfectly. Jon just hoped that Roy would believe him. The one thing that Jon failed to notice was the malformed mouse with a shell on its back scurry beneath his feet.
“How cute!” Ed could hear a hazy voice, as he stirred back to consciousness. “Oh, how cute!” Ed then felt a tickling sensation run up his tummy. His dog instincts then kicked in, and his foot began to twitch and fail spastically. It felt like his stomach was being stroked and tickled by someone.
Edward was regaining his senses pretty quickly, and the voices around him grew more familiar. The rubbing stopped, and then the culprit began to run their fingers over his ears.
“His ears are so soft and fluffy!” a man exclaimed. Wait! Ed thought. I now that voice…its, no it can’t be…Roy! Ed cracked his eyes open a slit, and peered out to see a face stuck into his vision. He smelled like the military; he had smelled it before, but it was never this strong.
It was indeed Roy Mustang that had been tickling him. Holy Crap! Ed thought frantically, and scrambled to his feet. That is the last person I wanted to see when I woke up. As he was getting up, his weak limbs failed him, and he went crashing into a pile of papers across Roy’s desk. He shook himself, and gazed into Roy’s eyes. They showed happiness.
“Aw, did you fall down?” Roy said playfully. He picked up FullMetal, and scratched his belly. Ed’s world flipped over, and he came face to face with Roy’s peachy nose. Their noses touched, and Ed’s eyes grew wide. The Colonel smiled, and rubbed Ed all over his cheeks. He kissed his little nose, as he watched it twitch uncertainly.
“He’s SO cute!” Roy shouted happily. “I love him SO much! I want to keep him forever!” That’s weird; I didn’t know that Roy could be so compassionate. Wait a minute…I didn’t want him to show it to me! Ed started to flail, desperately trying to escape.
“Bark, bark!” Ed squealed out, which was meant to say “save me!” Roy held Ed at arms length, and tilted his head to the side.
“What’s wrong puppy wuppy?” Roy teased him while touching Ed’s nose. His voice was painful baby talk, and Ed began to howl. “Now, now. I’ll have none of that!” Roy puckered up his lips, and moved close to Ed’s face. “Give me kisses!” Ed turned his face away in disgust, and squirmed.
Oh no! Ed thought. The dog instinct is…kicking in! Edward turned his face back to Roy, and regrettably, began to lick his face all over. Ed had no control over the situation, and covered Mustang’s face in drool. Roy soaked up every minute of it, and laughed like a child. Well, Ed thought devilishly, I can always add a little something to this show!
Ed stopped licking Roy’s face, and Roy stopped laughing. Ed narrowed his golden eyes, and concentrated. Roy noticed this, and curiously tilted his head to the side.
“Puppy? Are you okay?” He asked scratching Ed’s fuzzy blond ears. As way of answering, Ed closed his eyes, smiled, and let out a steady stream of pee, right on the front of Roy’s blue coat.
“Ugh!” Roy exclaimed dropping Ed onto his desk, as pens clattered to the floor. Ed was sprawled out on his back, watching Roy wipe his coat with his hands. Ed was smiling to himself with satisfaction, until he noticed Roy make grab for him. Ed vaulted off the mahogany desk, and skidded across the floor.
“Come back here!” shouted Roy angrily. Edward didn’t care how much he screamed; Ed was gone like wisp of smoke, through the open door, and down the corridor. He raced as fast as he little legs would carry him, hoping to find his brother, Alphonse, even with all the crazy things that had been going on. Al might be the only one to realize that it was really Ed behind the slobbery tongue.
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More soon! ;) This was the first three chapters! Hope yeah laughed at Ed and his misery!
OMG! OMG! I'M SO SORRY THAT I TOLD SO LONG TO GET THIS STORY UP! IT IS DEFINATLY WORTH READING, BUT I SLACKED OFF MAJORLY WHEN I WAS TYPING IT! PLEASE FORGIVE ME! TO MAKE UP FOR IT, THIS IS THE WHOLE STORY!
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chapter 4-7(end)
Preceding the “Mustang Incident”, as Edward preferred to call it, Jon Mustang had given the box, containing Ed, to Roy. As he walked up to his desk, instead of the usual scowl, Jon wore a bright smile.
“Do I have something to show you!” Jon smirked, placing the box down on Roy’s desk. Roy rolled his eyes, and peered at the box curiously.
“Well, what is it?” said Roy sarcastically, and fairly uninterested.
“Open it!” He cried excitedly. “Its amazing! I have perfected my alchemy to where I can turn snails into dogs, using the components for mice! It’s genius!” Jon was now shaking with excitement.
“I guess FullMetal told you to come and get your alchemy license.” Said Roy, bored.
“Who?” Jon asked dumbly.
“Never mind. That boy is probably slacking off the job.” Roy rolled his eyes, and reached for the box. He pulled off the top, and lying inside was a dog with blond fur. He was unconscious, and his tongue was hanging out. His little chest barely moved up and down, and he snorted occasionally. Roy fell in love.
“How cute!” Roy exclaimed, scooping up Ed, and hugging him. He was tickling his tummy, and Ed’s nose twitched slightly.
Then the seriousness returned to his voice. “Congratulations little brother. I will see you when you attend the alchemy exam. I wish you the best to pass.” He smiled slightly as the little dog kicked his foot. “Please return to your home, and I will send someone to notify you when the time has come.”
Jon’s eyes with hope and delight. “Thank you so much Roy! I’ll never forget this opportunity!” Jon ran through the doors, leaving Roy to play with his new dog.
When Jon got home, he ran back to his study. It was always dark, because he was always depressed. The room always reflected his moods. Now he was happy, so he flicked on the light. The dingy, dirty layer of dust and grime that covered the room horrified him.
Then something scurried over his foot. Jon jumped with fright, and looked down. It was a mouse with a snail shell on its back. The mouse was disfigured, and contorted strangely.
“It wasn’t a perfect transmutation after all…I turned the boy that Roy mentioned into a dog instead!” Jon realized aloud, and grabbed the squealing animal from the floor. He shoved it in his pocket, and ran out the front door.
He knew that he had made a mistake, and he had to fix it. Even if that meant that he had to admit his mistake to his brother.
Edward ran as fast as his little legs would carry him. He scurried over the military worker’s feet, and between legs. He heard “How cute!” and screams as he slid over the polished tile.
A door was open at the end of the hall, and Ed made a dash for it. When he made it inside, he threw his body against the door, and closed.
“Huh, huh.” He panted, as his eyes wondered the room. Before he could do a full 360, his nose met Black Hayate, the Lt.’s dog.
“What do you want?” Black Hayate said calmly, with judging eyes.
“I, uh, am looking for my brother.” Ed replied nervously, and a little freaked out. It was the first time he had conversed with a dog before.
“Who might that be?”
“Alphonse Elric.” Ed said innocently. Black Hayate’s eyes grew wide, and he took a step back. He looked Ed up and down, and round and round.
“FullMetal?” He asked curiously. “Are you the brother of that cat lover?”
“Yes, yes!” Ed cried in desperation. “I’m looking for him! He might be the only one able to help me!”
“But he likes cats.” Black Hayate seethed. “I remember when Master Sgt. Fuery first brought me into HQ. I was much younger then, and I remember that your brother had snuck a cat in his armor.”
“Either way, he is still my brother, and he will help me, no matter what form.” Ed sighed, sat down, and pushed his tail aside. The tail still took some getting used to.
“I only have one question.” The black and white dog mumbled. “If you are truly who you say your are, even if it is fairly obvious, where is your infamous auto mail, FullMetal?” Black Hayate was a lot smugger than the adorable dog he seemed.
Edward gasped, and looked at his four, fuzzy limbs. “What is this madness?” He flexed his paws. “Maybe in Equivalent Exchange, I got my limbs back. Though it will be even harder for Al to recognize me now.” Ed gazed around the room, and noticed that it was Lt. Hawkeye’s room. He even blushed a little, as he noticed a fluffy pink bra over a chair’s side.
Something else also caught his eye: everything was larger.
Why couldn’t I have been changed into a big dog? I became even shrimpier! Ed thought, soon regretting that he admitted to being small. Even Black Hayate is bigger than me!
“I can show you where Alphonse is.” Black Hayate said short, and cold. With that, he walked towards the door, but then stopped.
“You idiot!” Black Hayate exclaimed. “We can’t get out until Mom comes back! Reason: you closed the door!” Ed had indeed shut the door when he was hastily trying to escape.
“Sorry.” Ed said sheepishly. “I didn’t know.” Black Hayate rolled his eyes, and lay down on the rug.
“You really are an idiot. A short one at that.” Black Hayate smiled at his joke, and watched the blond dog fume with anger.
“I swear,” Ed was angrily baring his teeth, and growling. “If I was a human…I would kick your black and white doggie…!” An instant later, the Lt. burst in the door, and trailing was Roy Mustang.
The attention of the feuding canines was shifted to the officers. “I thought the Colonel wasn’t allowed into the Lt.’s quarters.” No sooner was the thought out of his mouth, he shivered, and said, “I don’t even want to know…”
“PUPPY!” Shouted Roy happily, as he picked up the fretting Edward. Not again! Ed thought frantically. Black Hayate ran up to Riza gleefully, and licked her outstretched fingers. She giggled, and Roy squeezed Ed until he turned blue.
“Is this the dog, Sir?” Questioned Hawkeye, pointing to Edward.
“Of course!” Roy laughed. “Now we can go on that picnic for lunch we talked about earlier! The only difference is,” Roy winked at Riza, and nudged her playfully on the shoulder. “We can bring our dogs with us!” Roy continued to squeeze the life from Edward. He was now in Roy’s custody, and traveling to go on a picnic with Riza and her dog.
Mustang and Riza were walking towards the Military provided vehicles, carrying their dogs with them. Ed had given up on escaping Roy’s grasp, knowing that if he got away again, his tail might get singed. Black Hayate wagged his tail, happy to be going on a trip.
Jon rushed back to HQ on his motorcycle, so he could hopefully tell Roy about his big mistake. He broke through the doors, and sprinted up to the receptionist’s desk
“I need to see…Roy…Colonel Roy…Mustang.” Jon panted to the receptionist. Sweat rolled down his face.
“I’m sorry sir,” She replied professionally. “The Colonel has left on lunch break with the Lt. They should be back soon.”
“Did he have a fuzzy blond-colored dog with him too?”
“Yes, but…” Jon had already run out the door. He jumped on his motorbike, and revved the engine. He sped off in pursuit of the car that was nowhere to be seen. If he knew his bigheaded brother well enough, he would be headed to his favorite park. That was also where Jon was headed, to explain things to Roy, and apologize to the boy.
Riza drove the car, and rolled the windows down. The cool October air floated through the car. The officers made small talk, and the dogs sat staring at each other, dropping glares occasionally. Then Black Hayate turned, and stuck his head out the open window.
What is the point of putting your head through a window? Ed thought. It seems completely stupid to me! He did it anyway, and almost instantly the wind began whipping past his ears. It blew them up and back, and his cheeks spread apart, leaving his teeth to show through. He closed his eyes, letting the moment surround him, and he soon realized this was all the explanation he needed. It was so much fun, and he felt like he was alive! Another thing he realized as the car sped past rows of trees and houses was that once he was human again, it would unacceptable to put his head out the window. So much for that.
When they’re car arrived, Roy and Riza laid out a big red picnic blanket. The set out the food, and battled ants for the spot. A large tree, whose leaves were changing colors, towered overhead. Ed and Black Hayate were tethered to a tree, tugging uselessly at the rope. Roy poured the wine, and rose his glass in the air.
“To you, Riza.” He said smiling, as he toasted his blond date. Ed would have gagged, but the threat of being incinerated remained an option. Riza and Roy leaned over the food to kiss, but they were soon disturbed.
“Roy!” A voice called from across the empty park. Ed was relieved that he didn’t have to witness the Colonel’s love life. The inhabitants of the picnic swiveled their heads towards the frantic man running towards them.
“Jon! What in the heck are you doing here?” Shouted Roy, flustered.
“I hope I’m not interrupting anything…” Said Jon quietly, as he approached the couple. He really wasn’t sorry at all; any excuse to bother his brother was good enough for him. Jon pulled a wriggling animal out of his pocket, and held it in front of Roy’s face. “I, uh, think I made a mistake.” Said Jon woefully. He handed the mouse/snail creature to his brother, and folded his arms in anticipation. Sweat dripped off his nose, and Roy curiously examined the animal.
“If this was what you created,” concluded Roy, a step behind. “Then who is…?” He knew then what the answer was, and Roy paled. All Jon could do was point to the little blond dog next to the tree.
“The boy that you sent me.” Said Jon sighing. Roy and Riza turned to look at Ed, sitting cockily next to the tree. One of his eyebrows was raised, and relief was written across his face. It was soon replaced with a smug smile that seemed to say, “Thank god! I thought these idiots would never figure it out!”
Roy was still having trouble excepting the facts. He glanced from mouse to dog, and back again. His face grew paler, and he crawled up to Edward on his hands and knees. It was a rare sight. When Roy was directly in front of him, he lowered his head to Ed’s level.
“FullMetal?” He said quietly, praying the answer wasn’t what he had guessed.
“Bark!” Ed snapped with ‘only Edward could pull off that face’ look. He narrowed his little golden eyes. Roy’s eyes grew wide, and his face could have blended in with a cloud. The realization struck him with horror; the answer couldn’t have been any clearer. Ed smile turned into a twisted grin, when he saw Roy’s expression. One thing was for sure: Ed was now enjoying himself.
“Change him back.” Roy said shortly, regaining his cool. He stood up, and brushed off the invisible dirt from his coat. “Now!” Jon jumped from Roy’s sudden tone, and ran towards Ed. “That means I was loving on Elric, and kissing him, and he licked me…” He shuddered at the thought, and glared at his brother, willing him to work faster.
“This will only take a minute.” Jon said, catching the hint. He pointed towards Edward, and said, “Stay still, okay?” Jon began drawing a transmutation circle around Ed’s paws. Ed smiled with satisfaction, knowing that Jon actually knew what he was doing; Ed had recognized the runes inside the circle.
“Bark, bark!” He (obviously) barked happily. Jon was about to place his hands down on the edge of the circle, but Roy stopped him, by putting his hand on his shoulder.
“You know that this is now your alchemy exam.” Roy said confidently believing in his brother. “Pass or fail is up to you. We’ll know as soon as we see Elric’s appearance.” Edward gulped, as Mustang had made him nervous, but he didn’t doubt that Jon was more nervous than he was. Jon had his entire future resting on what would happen when he put his hands down. Jon had sweat pouring from his face, and he cautiously placed his hand on the circle.
Lights swirled around the people watching, and Edward began to feel the same liquid feeling as before. He grew taller, but only slightly. He was still sitting on the ground, when the lights stopped Ed felt a breeze whip around his skin. It was great not to have fur.
“Holy Crap! That was freaking awful!” Ed said truthfully. He looked around, and noticed that Riza was turned away, and blushing. Roy was giggling, and Jon was ushering Ed’s normal clothes towards him. Ed did a quick scan of his body, quickly realizing why it was so drafty: he was completely naked! As soon as he saw this, he turned as red as his coat.
His first thought was to get away from there as fast as possible, so he tried to get up. That didn’t work, he soon found out, due to the absence of a certain arm and leg. The Equivalent Exchange had reversed itself, and Ed was now missing his auto mail limbs, leaving him now way to get up, and go anywhere quickly.
“Oh my g…” Ed said, completely embarrassed. He snatched the clothes away from Jon, and covered himself quickly.
“I found those clothes on the floor in my study.” Jon said blandly, shielding his eyes.
“I’m so s-sorry!” Ed stuttered. “That was h*** I hope you know, and I never want to go through it again.”
The car ride home was uneventful, and he couldn’t help but think of Black Hayate. Ed stared at him, as he watched the little dog’s tongue loll out of his mouth. Ed’s first thought was: Ha ha! I’m bigger than you! Then thoughts of ‘if you dare challenge me, I’ll kill you’ rose into his head. When all his menacing thoughts passed, he began to think about how life must be to be a dog everyday. He reached over, and patted Black Hayate on the head. Ed could have sworn that the little dog smiled.
The car pulled up to a stop, and Al rushed out of the house to greet his brother. The rumbling suit of armor wrenched open the door, and looked at his brother, completely missing two of his limbs.
“Nii-san! I was so worried!” Shouted Al with tears in soul. “What happened?”
“You’ll never ever guess.” Smiled Ed, as he extended a hand towards his brother. “First, help he out of this car. Then we’ll talk.” As Al hoisted Ed up, Edward glanced at the front passenger’s seat. “Oh, Colonel!” Called Ed sweetly. “If you ever get that close to me again, I’m filing a police report!” Ed laughed, as Roy shivered.
“Are you going to tell me what happened?” Al asked concerned. Ed patted Al on his shoulder. The ringing sound echoed through Al’s hollow shell.
“Two things:” Ed commented, as he held up two fingers, with his good hand. “We need to see Winry as soon as possible,” Al lifted Ed up, and walked towards the front door of the house. Al waved towards the car as it sped away. “And,” Ed smiled deviously. “We’re getting a dog.”
The End
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Yes, I know it was long, and I'm sure nobody was bored enough to read ALL the way through it, but here it is, and again, I am SO sorry it took so long!