:trig: :SU:
:SI:

:( :unsure:
No matter what I seem to try to break this cycle of depression I have been in for quite some time now. I am being told by my theropists and doctors that it has a lot to do with being stuck in the PTSD cycle and the fact we have to work on overcoming grief and loneliness of the passing of my husband,and that when we really started to see break throughs,I was hit with learning someone I thought for many years was my best friend,that turned out to be playing head games and just plain lying to me about who they truely were and what they truely were out for in masking himself as a friend. I have learned a hard, painful lesson, I use to think that is was ok to blindly trust people that I had thought were true friends. Well, very painfully I have learned that, that is a very stupid and self destructive thing to do. I have learned that taking the trust no one path is a lot safer for my heart and mental health. I have started to depend a lot on internet friendships, and the safety of the close box X when the games start to be played.
Its 5am monday morning,marking 3 days I haven't been able to sleep,even with the meds the doctors gave me to help get some sleep. I find myself thinking about my brother killing himself August of 2004, and the broken promise he made me that he would talk to me if he's thoughts went in that direction,he didn't,he just did it. All I seem to thing about is the pain and numbness,loneliness,fears,and a lot of tears.
:crying: :frust:

*not so many triggies needed, hun :) -- Amy*